


Your Hand in Mine

by ellembee



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Nanny!Katniss, Single Parents, SingleDaddy!Peeta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-02 06:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4050502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellembee/pseuds/ellembee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katniss works a crappy retail job folding clothes and supervising dressing rooms. She doesn't have much hope for a better job or brighter future. Until one day a lost little girl needs help finding her father. Everlark. Modern AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from an Explosions in the Sky song. The gorgeous banner is by the very talented loving-mellark.

[ ](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/Angeleyez779/media/Your%20Hand%20in%20Mine%20NEW.jpg.html)

“Hey Catpiss,” Clove said with an ugly smile.

Katniss returned the greeting with her middle finger. Twenty-two years old, and it was like she was back in high school. She had hoped once she graduated and entered the working world, there’d be less catty girls, but it seemed there would always be girls like Clove.

Some people just never grew out of their high school persona.

“So rude,” Clove chastised. “Have fun this afternoon.” She wiggled her fingers and drifted off toward the backroom.

Katniss groaned when she saw the mountain of unsorted clothing sitting in the basket. Clove hadn’t bothered to even hang some of it up. Katniss inspected the dressing rooms and found three still full of clothing.

Damn it. Clove was useless. She had likely spent her entire shift sitting on her ass, playing with her cell phone. There was a rumor going around that Clove had a trust fund, and her father had made her get a job to learn the value of hard work before she inherited millions for doing nothing.

It didn’t seem like the message was getting through.

Katniss was pretty sure the only reason Clove hadn’t been fired yet was because she was sleeping with their gross manager, Seneca Crane. Ugh. Just the thought of touching him made Katniss nauseous.

She grabbed an armful of the clothes and plopped them onto the counter. She had just begun sorting when she felt a pair of eyes on her. There was nothing she hated more than customers silently staring at her, waiting to be noticed. Would it kill them to clear their throat? Just say excuse me?

Katniss turned, a fake smile plastered on her face, but there was no one behind her. With a frown, she returned to her work.

As she was hanging up a particularly hideous striped dress when she heard a small squeaky voice say, “Hello?”

This time when Katniss looked over, she saw a sliver of a face peering over the counter. Wide blue eyes shimmered with tears. Twin blonde pigtails shook from the little girl’s effort to be seen.

Katniss walked around the counter. Sure enough, the little girl was on her tippy toes.

“Hi there,” Katniss said.

This little girl, who couldn’t be more than three or four, blinked up at her. The tears spilled from her eyes, slipping down her already damp cheeks.

“I’m lost,” she said, voice quivering. “I can’t find my dad.”

A pang of sympathy sent Katniss to a crouch, so they were on the same eye level.

“Do you want me to help you find him?” Katniss asked.

The little girl nodded. “He told me to find a ployee if I ever got lost.”

“A ployee?” Katniss echoed.

“Someone who works here,” the little girl explained. She wiped her eyes and smiled, proud that she had just explained a very important concept to an adult. “You work here.”

“I do,” Katniss confirmed, glancing down at her red polo shirt and khaki jeans, the standard outfit for Target employees. Twenty-two, no college education, and staring down a future of minimum wage jobs. How promising.

She tapped her name badge. “I’m Katniss.”

“Hannah.”

“Alright, Hannah, how about you and I go to the front of the store? We can page your dad at Guest Services.”

“Page?” She tilted her head to the side, her nose scrunched up.

“We’ll make a big announcement asking your dad to come up front. He’ll be able to hear it from anywhere in the store. What’s your dad’s name?”

“Ummm,” Hannah drew out the word. “Daddy.”

“Oh, uh, well what does your mom call your dad?”

Hannah’s hand flew up to cover her mouth. She squeaked—actually squeaked! “She calls him lots of names. But I’m not s’posed to repeat them.”

That didn’t sound good. She wondered if one of the words Hannah’s mom threw around was irresponsible. But no, Katniss couldn’t judge a man she hadn’t even met. He had obviously taught his daughter what to do in an emergency situation. Accidents happened. Katniss had lost Prim in a shopping mall once. Sure, she was only four years older than Prim, but it was still terrifying, feeling that fear and guilt. 

“What’s your last name?”

“I’m not s’posed to tell strangers my last name,” Hannah said.

“Oh, you’re right.” Katniss tugged on her braid, wondering how to proceed. This girl’s father had armed her with some great knowledge. Too bad he never thought to share his first name.

“Okay, how about this?” Katniss asked. “My name is Katniss Everdeen. I’m twenty-two, and I have a little sister named Primrose. My favorite color is green. My favorite candy is M&Ms.”

Hannah tapped her chin, her face screwed up in a look of fierce concentration. “Does that mean you’re not a stranger anymore?”

“Sort of,” Katniss said. “You do know a lot more about me. But you should still never get into a car with me or anyone else who tells you all that stuff unless your dad knows. Do you understand?”

Hannah considered this question for a long moment. “No.”

“I’ll tell your dad I messed up his lesson when we find him. Okay, so last name?”

“Mellark.”

“Okay, Hannah Mellark.” Katniss stood and held out her hand. “Let’s go find your dad.”

Hannah grasped Katniss’s hand with a smile. As Katniss led the way to the front of the store, she felt the little girl’s eyes on her again. This time, at least, they were not threatening tears. In fact, Hannah appeared perfectly calm and content now that an adult was handling the situation.

“I like your braid,” Hannah said.

“Thank you.”

“Can you do a braid like that in my hair?”

“Maybe,” Katniss said. “If there’s time. But I’m sure your dad is very worried about you and will come running as soon as we call his name.”

“I wish Daddy could braid my hair. He’s not good at it.”

“Did your mom do your pigtails?”

Hannah stuck out her tongue. “No, Daddy did. Mommy never does my hair.”

Katniss peered down at the top of Hannah’s head. Upon closer inspection, the pigtails were lopsided. The one on the right had much more hair than the one on the left, and stray strands stuck out in the back.

It was sweet though. She wondered how many times Hannah’s father had tried to fix her pigtails before giving up. It probably had more to do with how long a preschooler could sit still.

“My favorite color is orange,” Hannah announced. “Just like Daddy.”

“That’s a…unique choice,” Katniss said, imagining the little girl’s house painted the color of a pumpkin.

“And I don’t have a favorite candy. I’m not allowed to eat it.”

“Oh,” Katniss said. She had one of _those_ sets of parents. They probably didn’t own a television set either or understand the concept of fun.

“But I get lots of dessert. I don’t think I could ever ever ever pick just one.”

Katniss smiled. She reminded herself not to make another assumption about the Mellarks. Hannah was an absolute sweetheart. Her parents couldn’t be that bad. “Name one dessert you like.”

“Um, sugar cookies. And peanut butter cupcakes. Oh, and red velvet cake with buttercream frosting! They’re all so good. My daddy is very very talented.”

“Your dad makes all those?”

“He works at a bakery.”

“Sounds fun.” They reached the service desk. Katniss smiled at Thom, the tall, dark-haired beanpole currently working. “I need to make an announcement,” Katniss said.

“Please, proceed.”

“Not to you, dumba—apple.”

Thom blinked at her. “What did you call me?”

“A dumbapple,” Hannah piped up. “I’ve never heard that one. Mommy usually says dumbass.”

Katniss covered her mouth to stifle a laugh. “Alright, c’mere, Hannah.” She lifted Hannah and plopped her onto the counter. “Do you see this phone?”

“Mmhmm.”

“When I pick it up and press this button, I can make a big announcement. Ready?”

Hannah nodded eagerly, her little legs kicking the counter.

“Can Mr. Mellark please report to the service desk? Mr. Mellark?” Katniss said.

Her voice boomed out across the store, through the speaker in every department. Hannah clapped.

“Can I try?”

“Uhh…” Katniss looked over at Thom who shrugged. “Okay, but don’t say dad. Just ask for Mr. Mellark. Okay?” According to the employee handbook, no one was supposed to say the child’s name or indicate a child found over the speakers. Too many crazy people nowadays.

“Mr. Mellark, please get your butt to the service desk!” Hannah practically screamed into the receiver.

Katniss quickly hung up the phone while Hannah giggled. 

“You know, Mr. Crane is here today,” Thom warned.

“Thank you for that pertinent information,” Katniss said. “Probably should’ve shared that earlier.”

Thom rubbed the back of his neck. “I only just remembered.”

Katniss rolled her eyes and looked down at Hannah. “I’m sure your dad will be here any—” She paused as a blond man ran toward the desk. “Any second now.”

“Hannah, oh my god!” he yelled.

Katniss was about to ask Hannah if this was in fact her father, but Hannah was already launching herself into his arms.

“Daddy!” she yelled. “I lost you, but then I found a ployee, and we’re not strangers anymore!”

Katniss didn’t think the man heard a word his daughter said. His eyes were squeezed shut as he hugged her close. He looked close to tears.

“Daddy, I can’t breathe!”

This seemed to penetrate his haze of relief. He loosened his grip, but didn’t put her down.

In his frenzied rush toward the counter, Katniss had missed how young he was. He looked her age, maybe a year or two older. Dark circles ringed his eyes, and his hair stuck up in every direction. She could feel the tension radiating off him, even as he held his little girl in his arms.

Despite his exhaustion and the worry etched across his face, she recognized how handsome he was. She imagined him doing Hannah’s hair, elastics in one hand, the brush perched between his teeth.

It was a sweet image. It warmed her, but at the same time made her inexplicably sad.

“Thank you so, so much, um,” the man paused and looked at her nametag. “Katniss.”

“Katniss Everdeen, Daddy. I told you, we’re not strangers anymore.”

His brow furrowed in confusion. “Right. Katniss Everdeen.”

“You’ve taught your daughter well,” Katniss said. “She knew she was supposed to find an employee to help her. And she knew not to give her last name to strangers, so we got to know each other a little.”

“Good,” he said. “Good job, sweetheart.”

“There was only one problem,” Katniss explains. “She doesn’t know your first name.”

By the way his expression falls, one would think Katniss had just told him he taught his daughter to get into cars with strangers.

“I’m such an idiot.”

“Daddy, that’s a bad word.”

“Right. Sorry.” He ran his free hand through his blond hair, his other still firmly locked around his daughter, support her weight as she leans into his chest. 

“What is your first name?” Katniss asked.

“Oh my god. I didn’t even introduce myself!” He held out his hand. “Peeta. Peeta Mellark.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Peeta,” Katniss said, shaking his hand. “I think you’re being too hard on yourself. Kids get lost sometimes. It happens to everyone.”

“It doesn’t happen to good parents,” Peeta said.

“Trust me, not noticing your daughter has run off does not make you a bad parent. It’s not as if you completely forgot she existed and drove home without her.”

Peeta gave her a strange look.

“My mother might have done that. Once.” Or three times. Whatever. “Anyway, Hannah, now you know your daddy’s first name just in case something like this ever happens again.”

“It won’t,” Peeta said quickly.

Without thinking, Katniss touched his arm. “Even if it did, it still wouldn’t mean you’re a bad parent.”

Peeta glanced down, and Katniss ripped her hand away. She hid it behind her back as if to pretend it never happened.

“What do you think, Hannah?” Katniss asked. “It seems like you have a pretty cool dad.”

“He’s the best!” Hannah exclaimed. “Tonight we’re going to make cookies and play dolls and watch Tinkerbell!” She flopped around in her father’s arms as she shared their plans. “Daddy, do you think you could do my hair like Katniss’s?”

Katniss grabbed her braid and smoothed it down. “I thought you said your dad couldn’t do braids.”

“He can try! Look how pretty her hair is!”

“It’s very pretty,” Peeta agreed. 

It was a small, inconsequential compliment, yet Katniss was sure she was blushing.

“Um, do you think you could turn around?” Peeta asked. He set Hannah down, but kept a hand on her shoulder.

“Oh, uh, sure.” She flipped her braid over her shoulder, so it lay down her back. Even though he doesn’t touch her, she felt the heat of his skin as his hand hovered closely, tracing the air around her braid.

“Looks complicated,” Peeta said quietly.

“Miss Everdeen!”

Katniss spun around at the harsh voice, dismayed to see the manager, Seneca Crane approaching.

“Miss Everdeen, what are you doing over here? You’re supposed to be at the Dressing Rooms. No one’s been at the desk for twenty minutes!”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Crane, I was just helping—”

“No! No excuses. And don’t think I didn’t hear that ridiculous page you sent out. What did you think you were doing?”

“Excuse me, sir?” Peeta interrupted. Despite the formality of the interruption, his tone was less than polite. He angled his body so he was in front of Katniss, partially obstructing Mr. Crane’s view of her. “She left the dressing rooms to help my daughter. She got lost, and Katniss helped her find me.”

Mr. Crane crossed his arms and let out a huff. “She still should have called someone over to cover the counter. She still shouldn’t have allowed your daughter to make a page. She still shouldn’t be standing over here, wasting time.”

Katniss swallowed her barely suppressed rage. She would not yell or complain or try to contradict him. She needed this job, shitty as it was. She didn’t have the energy to return to the job hunt, sending out her less than impressive resume, and failing to impress at the few interviews she managed to get.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Crane. I’ll get back to work,” Katniss said.

“You’re on thin ice, Miss Everdeen. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you clocking in late the last few days.”

Thom made a face over Senenca’s shoulder. Hannah stifled a laugh.

“Is tardiness funny?” Mr. Crane asked.

“She’s four, sir,” Peeta said. “Everything is funny.”

“Your beard’s funny,” Hannah added.

“Hannah,” Peeta chastised, despite the laughter in his voice. “Honestly, Mr. Crane, you’re being way too harsh. Katniss should be praised for her hard work today. I was scared out of my mind. I was so relieved to hear Hannah’s voice on the overhead speaker.”

“Mmhmm. Well. Good job, Katniss. Now back to work.”

Instead of leaving, Seneca crossed his arms as if waiting to make sure Katniss followed directions. Katniss sighed and knelt down to bid Hannah goodbye.

“It was very nice to meet you, Hannah. Enjoy your night with your dad.”

Hannah wrapped her arms around Katniss’s neck. “Thank you, Katniss.”

Katniss stood, a little taken aback at the little girl’s sudden affection. She shook Peeta’s hand once more. “Nice meeting you, Peeta.”

“You too. And thank you once more. Really. Thank you.”

“No problem.” She eyed Mr. Crane. “Just doing my job.”

*

“We need to talk about your recent behavior at work,” Seneca announced only minutes after Katniss returned to the dressing room.

She dropped the clothes she was stuffing with hangers and leaned back against the counter. “What recent behavior?”

“You’re late. Constantly. You leave the desk unattended. You’re rude to customers. You don’t get along well with other co-workers.”

“You mean I don’t get along with Clove,” Katniss corrected. “And I had one customer complaint, and surprise! It was one of Clove’s friends.”

“You could learn a lot from Clove, you know. She’s a model employee.”

“Seriously?” Katniss demanded. “Should I start sleeping with you too? Would that make me a model employee?”

Seneca’s eyes bulged. “What did you just say?”

“Are you really surprised? Everyone knows. Well.” Katniss glanced down at his left hand. “Everyone but your wife.”

“You’re fired,” Seneca spit out.

“Excuse me? You can’t fire me! I haven’t done anything wrong!”

“Have you been listening? You’re tardy, rude, and irresponsible.”

“Irresponsible?” Katniss wanted to gather up a handful of hangers and chuck them at Seneca. “I’m one of the most responsible employees you have. And you know why I’m late! We’ve talked about this over and over again!”

Katniss had a car and Mrs. Everdeen had a car. There was no money left to purchase one for Prim who was currently taking classes at the community college. Whenever Mrs. Everdeen worked the night shift at the hospital, her car was free from Prim to use during the day.

Otherwise, Katniss had to drive Prim to school. She had discussed pushing her morning shifts forward by a half hour with Seneca many, many times, but he refused. So she was routinely late.

It was maddening. It was like Seneca wanted her to fail. 

“Are you trying to fire me because of Clove? Because she hates me?”

Seneca shook his head. He was no longer shifting uncomfortably. In fact, he was absolutely calm. “I’m not trying to fire you, Miss Everdeen. I have. This is an at-will place of employment. You can quit whenever you want for whatever reason without notice. We can do the same.”

Katniss gaped at him. Then, finally, she did throw a hanger at him. It might have been childish, but she was thrilled when it struck him across the cheek.

Who cared? Everyone else still acted like they were in high school.

*

Katniss leaned against her car door. Tears were threatening now. She fiddled with her keys and wondered if she could appeal to another manager. Haymitch liked her well enough. And he hated Seneca. Unfortunately, though, Seneca seemed to have all the power.

She was screwed.

“Katniss?”

Katniss spun around, surprised to find Peeta and Hannah hand-in-hand, walking toward her car. Peeta carried two bags of merchandise. A couple of pink Barbie boxes stuck out.

“Hey,” she forced out.

“Hey. Your shift over already?” he asked.

“Oh, um, yeah. All over.”

“Are you alright?”

His voice was so sincere, so full of concern, she knew she wouldn’t be able to hold the tears off for long. Her lip trembled, and her throat burned. She did not want to cry in the Target parking lot in front of this ridiculously handsome guy and his adorable daughter.

Hannah suddenly threw her arms around Katniss’s leg. “It’s okay, Katniss.”

A few tears leaked out. She couldn’t help it with Hannah’s wide blue eyes staring up at her. She looked a lot like Prim had at that age.

“Are you crying?” Peeta asked. “What happened? Did your manager yell at you after we left?”

“He fired me, actually,” Katniss confessed.

“What? For helping us? That guy is such an ass—sinine person.” He glanced down at Hannah who didn’t seem to notice his slip.

“Yeah, asinine is one word to describe him.” Katniss shook her head. “It’s not your fault. Really. I think he’s wanted to get rid of me for a while.”

“But this is ridiculous! C’mon, Hannah, we’re going back inside and talking to Mr. Crane.”

“The guy with the beard?” Hannah asked.

“Oh no, please don’t do that!” Katniss said. “Please. It’s fine. I’ll find something else.”

“Are you sure?” Peeta asked. “I can’t help but feel responsible….”

“You’re not. Really,” Katniss insisted. “Please, go home, go watch Tinkerbell.” She smiled down at Hannah. “I’ll be fine.”

Peeta stared down at his daughter, his brow furrowed in concentration.

“Katniss? Have you ever considered being a nanny?”


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the wonderful feedback!

[ ](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/Angeleyez779/media/Your%20Hand%20in%20Mine%20NEW.jpg.html)

Just as Peeta finished fixing his hair, Finnick pulled into the driveway. Peeta had already asked Finnick and Annie to stay in the car rather than come inside and greet Hannah. Their presence would only remind her that she wasn’t tagging along with her favorite honorary aunt and uncle.

And if Hannah started to cry, there was no way Peeta would leave.

He found Katniss and Hannah sitting at the kitchen table, doing each other’s nails. He cleared his throat, and they both looked up.

“I’m heading out. Everything okay?” he asked.

“Everything’s good,” Katniss said. She held up her hands. “Hannah gave me a manicure.” The green polish covered more skin than nail, but Hannah looked very proud.

“Nice job,” Peeta said. “Uh, are there any questions before I go?”

“No, I’ve got the list memorized. Play time, dessert, bath, brush teeth, pajamas, book, bed,” Katniss recited, ticking each activity off on a finger. “And I’ve got your list just in case I forget.”

“Right.” Heat crept up Peeta’s neck. He might have been a little too thorough in preparing Katniss for her first time putting Hannah to bed.

This was also the first time anyone beside Peeta would be tucking Hannah in since her mother left. He read somewhere that it was important to establish a routine and stick to it, especially after a major upheaval had occurred. And Madge’s abandonment was definitely major. 

Because that’s what it was, wasn’t it? Why call it by another name? Peeta’s mother referred to it as a “break,” but Madge had given no indication that she’d be anything more than a birthday card or a phone call for the foreseeable future.

“It’ll be okay. I promise,” Katniss said. This was a common refrain of hers, but it always made him feel better. She seemed genuine when she said it, like she couldn’t imagine tonight not going well, and she’d do everything in her power to make sure it did. “And I have your number. Just in case.”

Peeta leaned down and gave Hannah a hug.

“I love you, cupcake,” he said.

“Love you too, Daddy.”

“Be good for Katniss, okay?”

She sighed and rolled her eyes. “If I have too.”

“She gets that sarcasm from you, you know,” Peeta said, pointing at Katniss.

“Yeah, right. Someone’s in denial.”

Outside, Finnick beeped his horn. 

“Alright, I’m going. Just call me if you need anything. Anything at all.”

“We will,” Katniss said.

Peeta lingered for a moment longer, suddenly overcome with the urge to plant a kiss on top of Katniss’s head as he walked by. It was something he used to do to Madge as he left for school or work, and she remained home with the baby. He suppressed the urge and waved.

As he walked to the front door, he heard hushed voices and laughter. It made him breathe a little easier.

*

With one last look at the house, Peeta climbed into the backseat of Finnick’s car.

“Hey, birthday boy!” Finnick greeted as Peeta buckled his seatbelt.

Annie turned her head and smiled. “How does it feel to be twenty-two?”

“Not that much different from twenty-one,” Peeta said. “It’s all downhill from here.”

Annie laughed. “Whoa, calm down. Don’t sound so excited!”

“Sorry. Let me try again.” He cleared his throat. “Woohoo! Let’s party!”

“Better.”

“So where’s, uh…Glenda?”

“Glimmer,” Annie corrected. 

“So that is her name,” Peeta said. “I thought I misheard you before.”

“Her parents were kind of hippies.”

“Were? I’m pretty sure their bong disagrees with your use of the past tense,” Finnick mumbled. Annie smacked his shoulder.

“Right. Is she meeting us wherever we’re going?” Peeta asked.

“Yeah, she’s a lot closer to Dave and Buster’s,” Finnick said.

“Dave and Busters?” Peeta asked, leaning into the front. “That’s almost an hour away.”

“And?” Finnick said. “It’s only six.”

“Are you hungry?” Annie asked. “I have snacks.”

Of course, Annie had snacks. She was the most maternal twenty-one year old he had ever met, Hannah’s mother included. She would have happily played nanny if she hadn’t already had a job at a preschool in the next town over.

“No, thanks. It’s just…I didn’t think we were going so far. What if there’s an emergency?”

“You’re right. If only you weren’t leaving Hannah all by herself…” Finnick tapped his chin. “Wait a second. You have a paid professional watching her.” Finnick met Peeta’s eyes in the rearview mirror and grinned. “Everything will be fine. Didn’t you say you always wanted to go there?”

“No, I’m pretty sure you’re the one who is still obsessed with arcades,” Peeta said. 

He sat back with a sigh. He knew he was being ridiculous. Katniss had been working as Hannah’s nanny for three months, and Hannah absolutely adored her. Katniss was sweet, thoughtful, and punctual. She cooked, she did laundry, and she always put a smile on Hannah’s face. Peeta couldn’t ask for anything more.

And if Katniss could adjust to a 4:30 AM arrival time so Peeta could work at his family’s bakery, and memorize Hannah’s likes and dislikes, then, surely, she could manage to follow Hannah’s bedtime routine.

And just in case, Peeta had written it down for Katniss. Suggested times included.

“So, Glimmer?” Peeta prompted.

“Pretty. Blonde. Receptionist at a pediatrician’s office. Loves kids,” Finnick said. “Really, I outdid myself on this one.”

“She’s cool going on a date with a guy with a kid?” Peeta asked. “You’re sure?”

Finnick groaned. “For the one hundredth time, yes, I’m sure. I told her all about Hannah.”

“And I showed her pictures on my phone,” Annie said. “She thinks Hannah is adorable.”

“Yeah, well there’s a big difference between looking at a picture and waking up at two in the morning to a little girl with a nightmare,” Peeta said.

“You need to relax,” Finnick said. “It’s your first date not your wedding night. You gotta give her a chance.”

Annie turned around in her seat. “She’s nice. Really.”

“I’m sorry. I guess I’m just nervous. This is my first date since…” Peeta paused. Shit. This was his first date since high school. Junior year he started dating Madge. She became pregnant only a few months after that. Senior year was a blur of dirty diapers and three AM feedings and postpartum depression that Madge never seemed to recover from. 

It only got worse.

“Since Madge,” Finnick said. 

“It’s been that long?” Annie poked Finnick’s arm. “What kind of best friend are you?”

“The kind that respects his friend’s stance on dating! Which is to not do it.”

“Madge only moved out six months ago,” Peeta said.

“Yeah, but she was barely around before that,” Finnick countered.

“Okay, we’re done talking about this!” Annie announced. “Tonight is about having fun and moving forward.”

“I like the sound of that,” Peeta said.

*

Finnick had sold Glimmer short. She wasn’t just pretty. She looked as if she had just finished a fashion shoot in her strappy sandals, dark blue skirt, and form fitting top. She was tall and thin with a beautiful smile and—

Peeta was distracted. His phone was burning a hole in his pocket. He desperately wanted to text Katniss to check in, but he knew he was being irrational.

When his phone vibrated seconds after he shook Glimmer’s hand, he was 100% certain something terrible had happened.

Every possibility from Hannah refusing to listen to Katniss to Hannah being rushed to the hospital flew through his mind in the .2 seconds it took for him to pull out his phone.

It was a text message.

Specifically, it was a picture of Hannah, her blonde hair twisted into a braid identical to the one Katniss always wore, sitting at the kitchen table. Two cookies and a half-full glass of milk sat in front of her.

She was mid-bite in the picture. Her free hand gave the camera a thumbs up.

Peeta burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Glimmer asked, eyebrow raised.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just my, uh, daughter.” His cheeks flushed at the mention of Hannah. He wasn’t embarrassed at being a young father. He was proud of all that he had accomplished, and how amazing Hannah was. 

He was, however, embarrassed about being so nervous about leaving her at home tonight. And how happy a picture of Katniss following the nighttime routine made him.

“She’s four, right?”

“Almost,” Peeta said. “Another couple of months.”

“Cool.” Glimmer shot him a beautiful smile. “Ready to get your ass kicked at Mario Kart?”

“Uh, I’m ready to kick ass at Mario Kart, yes,” Peeta corrected with a grin.

Glimmer laughed. She bumped his shoulder as he fell into step beside her.

*

Two games of Mario Kart, one beer, and one disastrous round of Dance, Dance Revolution later, Peeta’s phone vibrated again. This time it was a picture of Hannah wearing her pink hooded towel—the one that turned her into a cat—standing in front of the sink and brushing her teeth. Once again she was giving the camera a thumbs up, like another checkmark on the list.

Three rounds of Fruit Ninja, an intense game of giant Connect Four, and 658 tickets from a very successful game of Cyclone later, Peeta’s phone vibrated for a third time.

Hannah sat on her bed, dressed in her purple Sofia the First nightgown, holding a book called _Mustache Baby_ , which, unsurprisingly, featured an illustration of a baby with a mustache on the cover. Peeta didn’t recognize it but guessed it was a library book.

Katniss was great at getting Hannah out of the house. She brought her to the library for storytime, to the kids’ art space for crafts, and to friends’ houses for play dates.

When Peeta slipped his phone back into his pocket, Finnick shot him a look. Peeta knew that look. It was a disapproving look. It was the cut-the-shit-and-put-the-phone-away look. 

Or something very similar.

Thirty minutes and two Over Under shots later, Peeta received his last text message of the night.

A picture of Hannah, fast asleep, snuggled up in bed with her favorite stuffed kitty.

It was sudden, the wave of emotion that crashed over him. Overwhelming too. Peeta had cried only a handful of times in his life—the lesson that crying was for girls was ingrained into him by his mother quite early on—but for whatever reason, this picture made him want to cry.

He was happy. It was as simple as that. Happy and relieved and so, so grateful that he had found Katniss in that Target parking lot after she had delivered Hannah back to him.

Peeta put his phone away. He was able to enjoy the rest of the night without worry. He didn’t pull his phone out again.

*

It was two AM, and Peeta was slightly drunk, when Annie, the designated driver, pulled up to his house.

“Did you have fun tonight?” she asked. Finnick was snoring in the seat beside her.

“Yes, thank you.” Peeta leaned into the front and kissed Annie on the cheek. “It was really nice of you two to take me out.”

“It was no problem! Really, Peeta we’re your friends. Hanging out with you isn’t some special favor.”

“Still. Thank you.”

“So. What did you think of Glimmer?” Annie asked.

“She’s nice.” 

“That’s it?”

“Uh, she’s friendly too.”

She was nice. Slightly superficial, sure, and a little too obsessed with trashy reality television, but she enjoyed hiking and cooking and showed interest in Peeta’s art. She was gorgeous and thoughtful and asked about Hannah.

But Peeta had no urge to see her again. He had walked her to her car, kissed her on the cheek, and said goodnight. Glimmer had programmed her number into his cell phone, but he had allowed it out of courtesy rather than desire.

The date had gone fine. Great, even! She obviously wanted to see him again. But…

“Nice and friendly. Hmm.” Annie sighed and leaned back against the headrest. “She’s too blonde.”

“What? Hey, I didn’t say that. I didn’t even imply that. She seems perfectly smart.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“You’re going to have to break this down for me. Finnick made me do quite a few shots.”

“I’m just saying, maybe you prefer brunettes?”

Peeta thought for a moment. “I’ve never dated a brunette before.”

“Well, maybe you should consider it. Goodnight, Peeta. Tell Katniss I said hello. Give Hannah a kiss for me.”

*

The house was still and quiet. Peeta checked the living room, but Katniss wasn’t on the couch. She wasn’t in the kitchen either. He crept down the hall and peeked into Hannah’s bedroom.

Her bed was empty.

Panic swept through him as he rushed to his room. He found both of them fast asleep in his bed, Katniss on top of the comforter, and Hannah nestled underneath.

That same feeling from earlier came swooping back, but it was painful this time. It made his chest ache.

There was something about the two of them in his bed, happy and safe and together that made him hurt. It reopened a longing within him, a fierce, sharp longing that he had forgotten existed. 

He ignored the urge to slip into bed and fall asleep beside them, and took a few tentative steps forward.

“Katniss?” he whispered. “Hey, Katniss?”

He touched her arm, and she slowly opened her eyes. She startled when she saw Peeta hovering at the edge of the bed. Carefully, she extricated herself out from under Hannah and followed Peeta into the kitchen. 

“Hey, I’m sorry about that,” Katniss said. “Hannah woke up, and she was upset that you weren’t home. She wanted to wait up for you in your bed, but she didn’t want to be alone, and I guess I must have fallen asleep.”

“It’s okay,” Peeta said. “Really. I appreciate you staying with her.”

“Of course.”

“She was upset? Like, how upset?”

“Like normal upset. It was fine, Peeta. She’s just not used to you going out.”

Peeta looked down at the ground and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Hey.” Katniss touched his arm. “She’ll get used to it. It’s important you have a social life too.”

“I felt so guilty leaving her.”

“She was just confused when she woke up. She felt better when I reminded her where you were and that you’d be home when she woke up.”

Peeta nodded, but the guilt lingered.

“Hey, what’s up with you not telling me it’s your birthday?” Katniss asked.

“How’d you know?”

“Hannah told me. We made you something.” Katniss gestured to the kitchen table.

A folded piece of paper reading “To: The Best Dad in the World, From: The Best Daughter in the World” waited for him. He opened it and found “Happy Birthday! Love, Hannah” in Hannah’s handwriting. The p’s were backwards, and the e was barely recognizable, but it made his heart swell with a mixture of pride and sadness.

She was growing up.

This had to be the alcohol’s fault. It was making him sentimental and sappy. He hadn’t been out drinking in a long time, and he had no intention of doing it again any time soon if this was how it left him.

“I can’t believe she wrote this herself,” Peeta said.

“You should have seen how hard she worked on it. I wrote it all out for her on a piece of paper, and she spent a long time making sure it came out just right.”

Beside the card was a stick figure painting of Hannah, Peeta, and Katniss outside on a sunny day. In the corner of the page, Katniss had written “By Hannah, August 2015.”

“You broke out the fingerpaint?” Peeta asked. “How brave of you.”

Katniss laughed. “Thank god it’s washable. You should have seen your walls.”

Peeta glanced up at her, unsure how much of that was a joke. The corner of her mouth quirked upward in response.

“Thanks for doing this with her,” Peeta said.

“Of course! If I had known earlier, I would have taken her shopping for a gift.” Katniss leaned back against the counter. “I would have gotten something for you too.”

“Oh no. You don’t need to get me a present. Ever. Really.”

“Mmhmm,” she hummed. “We’ll see come Christmas time.”

It was strange to think so far into the future when the present seemed so uncertain, but he realized he wanted Katniss to be around for Christmas. He wanted her here for Hannah’s birthday and Halloween and Valentine’s Day. It had only been three months, but he couldn’t imagine life without Katniss now. He didn’t want to.

“Did you have fun tonight?” she asked.

“Yeah. Finnick and Annie took me to Dave and Buster’s. Glimmer was nice.”

“Glimmer? Were you on a date?”

“Oh. Right. I was. I’m sorry I didn’t mention it earlier. I didn’t want to overthink it…” 

“Oh my god.” Katniss covered her face with her hands. “I am such an idiot.”

His heart hammered against his ribcage. For a second, he thought she would follow up her statement with ‘All this time, I thought you liked me’ or ‘I should have said something sooner’ or—

“I sent all those text messages, and you were on a date! I’m so sorry.” She sighed. “I thought I was being helpful, but instead I was just interrupting.”

“Oh no!” Peeta took a few steps toward her. “No, are you kidding? I’m so happy you sent me those! They made me feel so much better. Really.” 

She let her hands fall, but she looked unconvinced.

“I wouldn’t have been able to focus without some kind of confirmation that Hannah was happy and asleep. So thank you.”

“You’re welcome, I guess.” She crossed her arms at her chest. “So, did you two hit it off?”

“Uh, not really.” He stared at Katniss, and it occurred to him, not for the first time, how beautiful she was. He wondered if, maybe, Annie had been referring to a specific brunette when she suggested it in the car.

“I’m sorry. Maybe you just need to—”

“I like you, Katniss.”

Oh shit. Had he really just blurted that out loud…? He was only about fifty percent sure he had meant to.

“I mean. I don’t know. Glimmer was pretty and nice and she loves kids, but I couldn’t get my mind off you.”

“Peeta…”

“When I came home and found you asleep in my bed, cuddling with Hannah, I just…” He shook his head. He never had trouble with words, but these thoughts were making him tongue-tied. “I want to come home to that. Every night.”

“You already do, don’t you?” Katniss stared down at her feet. “I mean, I’m here five days a week. You’re basically paying me to play wife. Maybe you just miss Hannah’s mother.”

“I don’t miss her. At all,” Peeta said with more anger than he intended. “I wish she was here for Hannah, but that’s it.” He ran a hand through his hair, already regretting that he had said anything. “I’m sorry. I’m a little drunk.”

“You don’t have to apologize. It’s just…I’m not this person, Peeta.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not this happy, smiling, shiny person that you think I am. I don’t want to get married or have kids. This is my job, and I’m good at it, but you have no idea what I’m really like.”

Peeta didn’t know how to respond. Not interested in marriage he could understand, but no children? She was so good at taking care of Hannah! It’s not that he thought she was perfect, but she was always sweet and caring. She was always ready with a smile.

“I don’t understand.”

“Look, Peeta, I like you too. Probably more than is appropriate considering you’re my boss, but you don’t know me. Not really.” She sighed and brushed her braid off her shoulder. “How many real conversations have we had?”

This time he didn’t think or analyze or calculate. He simply moved forward, cupped her cheek, and pressed his lips to hers. She responded immediately, her mouth opening against his, her hand pulling on his shirt, tugging him closer.

She tasted like the chocolate chip cookies he had made that afternoon. She smelled faintly of vanilla and paint and the hand soap he kept in the kitchen.

She felt like home.

“I know enough,” he whispered after he pulled away. “I know I’ve wanted to do that since I saw you in the parking lot. Maybe even before that.”

She looked up at him, her cheeks flushed, her braid messy and loose, but she didn’t smile.

“I think you like the idea of me. Of someone to take care of Hannah. Of someone to take care of you.”

“That’s not it.”

She kissed him once more, quick and light. “You should get some sleep. I’ll see you on Monday, Peeta.”

“Wait. Don’t leave like this. Can we just talk about what happened? Have one of those real conversations?”

“Nothing happened. I like this job, and I like Hannah, and I don’t want to mess any of that up. Okay?”

If he didn’t understand Katniss’s argument that he didn’t really know her, he could at least see the logic in this. If he pushed too hard and Katniss quit, how would Hannah react? Another women in her life gone and never to be seen again? She would blame Peeta or, even worse, blame herself. And he couldn’t let that happen.

“Okay,” he said. “You’re right. Goodnight, Katniss.”

She disappeared into the hallway. He strained his ears for the sound of her footsteps, but she was too quiet. He only knew she was gone when he heard the door shut behind her.


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Trailer Day! Thanks for reading :)

“Swings, swings!” Hannah chanted as she took off at full speed. 

“Be careful,” Katniss called after her as if saying the words would magically keep her safe.

Katniss was grateful that the playground was covered in wood chips. As a child, her parks were made up of grass, pebbles, and pavement. More than once, she had tripped over her own feet and gotten up with a nasty bruise. 

She had been lucky so far that Hannah had yet to injure herself. While she knew the basics of first aid thanks to Prim, and had gotten CPR certified shortly after becoming Hannah’s nanny, she didn’t handle blood well.

Katniss jogged to catch up with Hannah, who was already scrambling into a swing.

Katniss gave her a gentle push. “I have some great news for you.”

“What, what?” she asked, her short legs trying to pump herself higher.

“Your dad is going to be home with you all next week.”

“Really? He doesn’t have to work at all?” Hannah dragged out the last word. Katniss held back a laugh.

“He’ll work a little while you’re at school, but he’ll pick you up every afternoon. I bet you two are going to have lots of fun together. Maybe he’ll take you to Bounce Barn.”

Better Peeta than her. Katniss had been to Bounce Barn only once, and she hoped to never step foot inside that inflatable hell again.

“Yes! We’re going to have so much fun. Do you think we can go to the beach?”

“I bet your dad will take you wherever you want. You just have to ask,” Katniss said.

“Maybe Disney World?”

Katniss let out an unattractive snort. “That might be a little bit of a stretch.”

“Where do you want to go?” Hannah asked. “My daddy will take us wherever you want to go too.”

“Oh, uh, I’m going away next week. It’s why your dad is staying home with you.”

Hannah didn’t say anything after that. Katniss continued to push her, but Hannah was stiff in her seat, her legs motionless. Finally, Katniss let the swing slow down before she grabbed the chains, bringing it to a complete stop.

“Miss Hannah Banana, are you okay?” Katniss crouched down in front of the swing. “Do you want to go on something else?”

“The slide,” Hannah answered in a small voice.

“Okay, let’s go. Do you want me to catch you?”

Katniss held out her hand, but Hannah didn’t take it. Instead, she hopped off and fell into step beside Katniss as they headed over to the plastic, twisty slide.

“I want to go on the big kid slide,” Hannah said. “Not the baby one.”

“This isn’t a baby one!” Katniss insisted. “Look how big it is!”

“The big kid slide is bigger. And I’m a big kid. I’m going to be four.”

“You’re right. Only two more months.” Hannah’s birthday wasn’t until October 27, but Peeta was already planning something big. 

Katniss sighed, surveying the very tall, very narrow, and very steep slide. The curve in the smaller one usually slowed the kids down. If Hannah wasn’t careful, she’d shoot right off the bottom like a rocket.

“Are you sure?” Katniss asked. “It’s pretty big.” It’s not that Katniss wanted to dissuade Hannah. Peeta was big on letting Hannah make her own decisions, even if it meant leaving the house in a tutu and boots or putting ketchup on carrots. But Katniss had a bad feeling about this one.

“Yes!” And without waiting for permission, Hannah raced off toward the slide.

At first everything was fine. Katniss hovered behind the ladder, her stomach steadily dropping with every step that Hannah took. When Hannah reached the little platform, Katniss was ready to puke. It was way too high for someone her age. But she was up there, so it was time for Katniss to stand in front of the slide and catch her when she came down.

But Hannah wouldn’t come down.

Not even after three boys got in line behind the ladder, one already climbing up.

“Are you okay?” Katniss asked. “Are you ready to come down?”

Hannah didn’t say a word. Her eyes were wide, her lips trembled. She looked like someone who had just realized they were deathly afraid of heights.

“Come on! It’s our turn!” The blonde boy behind Hannah yelled.

“I’m going to come up and get you, okay?” Katniss said. She could have tried to coax Hannah down the slide, but she didn’t like the looks of the boys. The blonde, especially, had a nasty smile. It was surprisingly malicious for a five-year-old.

“Stop being a baby and go!” The little boy demanded. 

“I’m not a baby!” Hannah insisted with a distinct whine in her voice.

“I’m just going to push you,” the boy said. 

“No!” Hannah and Katniss both yelled at the same time.

“Don’t touch her!” Katniss yelled, quickly looking around for the boy’s mother. A group of three women were off to the side. Two were in the midst of a very animated conversation. The other sat on a bench, draining a water bottle and playing with her cell phone. 

Awesome. If Katniss had to guess, they were the mothers to the three boys.

“Move,” Katniss all but snarled at the two kids still standing in front of the ladder. She looked up, shielding her eyes from the sun. “Hey, kid, climb on down, so I can get her. Then you can go on as many times as you want.”

“No way! I’m not giving up my turn!”

Katniss sighed. She wanted to get this boy’s mother, but she didn’t dare turn her back on him, even for a second.

“I’m ready to get off. I want to go on the other slide!” Hannah called down.

Something strange and vaguely familiar twisted inside of Katniss. It was the same feeling of anxiety she used to get when watching Prim. It was a mix of worry and love. Her heart started to race.

“I’m coming!” Katniss called up. She would climb the ladder, reach around this little boy, make minimal effort not to elbow him in the process, and retrieve Hannah.

“No way! It’s my turn! MY TURN!”

“I’m not taking your turn, okay? I’m just—” Katniss was halfway up the ladder when the boy pushed Hannah.

Katniss cursed out loud, not caring what small child was around to hear it, and jumped off. By the time she made it to the front of the slide, Hannah was on the ground crying, wood chips in her hair. When she picked up her head, Katniss say blood on her lips.

Katniss could have murdered that kid.

“Oh, sweetie, are you okay?” Katniss asked. She picked Hannah up and walked over to the park bench where her purse sat. She pulled out a baby wipe—a necessity since she started nannying—and wiped off Hannah’s mouth.

“I’m so sorry. You’re going to be fine,” Katniss said, rubbing circles on her back.

Hannah said nothing. She just continued to cry.

Meanwhile, Katniss was seething. She couldn’t remember the last time she was this angry. Her skin felt hot and prickly. Something awful thrummed inside of her chest, something huge and knotted.

After Hannah’s crying gave way to hiccups and sniffles, Katniss finished checking her over for any more injuries. Her knees and elbows were imprinted with woodchips, but everything else seemed fine. Katniss gave Hannah a juice box and promised she would be right back.

“Excuse me,” Katniss called as she approached the group. She zeroed in on the blonde with the water bottle. Once she was close enough, she realized the clear liquid in the bottle was not water.

This was going to go well.

“Is that your son?” Katniss asked, gesturing behind her. “The blonde on the slide?”

The woman slipped her sunglasses down the bridge of her nose. “Who are you exactly?”

“My name is Katniss, and your son just pushed my…my Hannah down the slide.”

“Oh,” the woman said.

“Oh?” Katniss echoed. “Your son owes Hannah an apology.”

The woman shrugged. “She’s fine, isn’t she?”

“Beside her bloody lip, bruised knees, and new fear of heights, yeah, she’s super great.”

“Cashmere, I’m starting to burn,” one of the other mothers said. “It’s time to get going.”

“Wait,” Katniss demanded as soon as Cashmere stood. “If you don’t talk to your son about what he did, he’s going to think it’s okay to go around pushing whoever is in his way. He’ll grow up to be a bully.”

“Look, Kathryn—”

“Katniss,” she corrected.

“Whatever. My son is not a bully. And even if he was, better to be a bully than a victim. I’m sure your daughter is fine.”

“Once again, not the point.”

“Look, a little bullying never hurt anyone. It builds character.”

Cashmere wobbled on her wedge sandals as she turned around to grab her purse.

Katniss wasn’t completely sure why she did what she did next. She was just so damn angry. Glancing over her shoulder, she found Hannah still on the bench, looking through one of the books from Katniss’s purse.

Good. She was safe, and she wasn’t paying attention.

So Katniss leaned over, grabbed Cashmere’s ponytail and yanked. Hard.

“Ow! Are you crazy?” Cashmere screeched. “What is wrong with you?”

“Oh, calm down,” Katniss said, backing away. “It builds character.”

*

Hannah was silent on the ride home. Despite Katniss’s numerous questions— _Did you have fun? Are you feeling better? Are you hungry?_ —it wasn’t until she was undressing for her bath that she finally spoke.

“Did you pull that lady’s hair?”

Katniss jumped from where she was bent over next to the tub. “What? No.”

“You did. I saw you.”

“I didn’t.” She dipped her hand into the water to test the temperature. “Pulling hair isn’t nice.”

“Pushing people’s not nice either but I got pushed.”

“How’s your lip feeling?”

“Okay.” Hannah climbed into the tub. Katniss hummed as she picked woodchips out of Hannah’s hair.

“Are you mad at me?” Hannah asked in a small voice.

“Mad?” Katniss rested an elbow on the edge of the bathtub. “Why would I be mad?”

Hannah’s lip started to tremble. “Because you’re leaving.”

“I’m not—oh.” Shit. No wonder Hannah had been so quiet after her announcement. She had thought Hannah would be excited to have her father to herself for an entire week. She didn’t consider the implications of her absence. “I’m only going to be gone for a week, I promise.”

“Are you going because I cry too much?”

“What? Where did you get that idea?”

“MacKenzie says I cry all the time, and only little babies cry.”

“Well, MacKeznie sounds like a bitch.” The word slipped out before Katniss could stop it. She was usually so good at catching herself too, but this whole afternoon had depleted her impulse control. Hannah stared up at Katniss in wonder.

“You said a bad word.”

“Sorry. MacKenzie sounds like a brat. Don’t listen to her.”

Hannah nodded. A few tears slipped down her cheek.

“Big kids cry too. Sometimes I cry,” Katniss said.

“Really?”

“Of course,” Katniss replied. “Everyone cries. You can cry when you’re sad or happy or when you hurt yourself. Don’t listen to MacKenzie. And if she keeps saying mean things to you, tell your teacher, okay?” _Or I’ll make her cry_ , Katniss silently added.

Katniss was having a lot of violent thoughts about kids today. She wasn’t sure when she had become so protective of Hannah. Of course she watched out for her, made sure she ate her vegetables and took her bath, ensured that she had fun and made it to school on time. But this was more than that. This was trying to keep her safe from the cruelties in the world and knowing that she couldn’t.

“Okay.” Hannah thought for a moment. Katniss grabbed the shampoo bottle. “Then why are you leaving? Why can’t you stay here?”

Hannah’s voice made her chest hurt. It wasn’t like her anger from before. It was much more painful.

“I’m just going to the beach with my friends for a few days. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“You can go to the beach with me and daddy! Please, please. We can go all together!”

“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” Katniss said. “Maybe we’ll go together this week. I’ll talk to your dad.” With Labor Day next week, the final days of beach going were approaching fast.

Hannah smiled and splashed the bathwater.

“You know I’m still going on my trip though, right?”

“But…” 

Katniss squirted out a dime sized amount of shampoo and lathered it in her hands. “It’s just a week, I promise.”

“My mom promised to come back too,” Hannah said.

Katniss tried to swallow, but her throat hurt too much. She shampooed Hannah’s hair as she considered what to say next.

“Eyes closed.” Katniss dumped a bowl of water over Hannah’s head. She rinsed Hannah’s hair twice more to make sure all the soap was gone.

“You know, my mom left when I was a kid too.” Well, physically, Mrs. Everdeen had been present, but mentally, she was elsewhere. No reason to explain the difference to Hannah.

“Really? Did she come back?”

“Yeah, but she was gone for a really long time. Sometimes life is really mean and moms have to go away for a little while. I know it can be hard to understand even for a big kid like you. But just because a mom goes away doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. I bet your mom misses you so much.”

Hannah considered this for a moment. “I wish she would come home.”

“I know, but until she does, you’ve got your dad. He’s pretty great, huh?”

Hannah smiled. She opened her mouth to speak but a quiet noise made her look up. Katniss turned around.

“Oh! Peeta! We didn’t hear you come in.”

He stood a few steps away from the doorway, his cheeks flushed.

“Yeah, um.” He cleared his throat. “I’m going to go start dinner.”

“I made tuna pasta while Hannah was at school. It’s in the fridge,” Katniss said.

“Okay,” he said, backing up. “I’m just going to change.”

His voice sounded strange. Katniss wondered how much he had heard of her conversation with Hannah. 

“There’s some clean clothes folded on your bed.”

He nodded before turning around. She wanted to go after him, but she wouldn’t leave Hannah alone in the bath.

“Your turn. Time to wash your face and body. Then you can pick out your PJs.”

“Can I wear my snowsuit to bed?”

Katniss sighed.

*

A half hour later, Hannah sat on the couch in her Rapunzel nightgown watching Big Hero 6 while Peeta scooped tuna pasta onto three plates. Katniss stood beside him, slicing grapes in half on a cutting board.

“You don’t have to feed me, you know,” Katniss said.

“I know. But you made it. You might as well enjoy it.”

“Thanks.” She bit her lip, unsure if she should broach the subject weighing on her mind. “Are you okay?”

He didn’t look up as he recovered the bowl of pasta. “Yeah, why?”

“You just seem…off, I guess.”

He met her gaze. “I’m sorry if I’m making you feel weird or uncomfortable.”

“No, no, I don’t mean between us or anything.” Katniss tugged on her braid and looked away before continuing. “Only you seem… sad, I guess. I’m just concerned.”

Peeta sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I’m fine. It’s just…thanks for talking to her. About her mom I mean.”

“Oh! Yeah. I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure what to say…”

“You said the right thing. Really.”

Katniss shrugged, her face warm underneath Peeta’s gaze. She wanted to hug him, but she knew it’d be counterproductive to everything she was trying to do. Instead, she touched his arm and smiled. “No matter what happens with Hannah’s mom, she loves you. So much.”

“I’m trying.” He sounded sad, but there wasn’t much else Katniss could do. He picked up two plates, and brought them into the living room. “Dinner!” he announced with forced cheer.

Katniss took her own plate, and the bowl of cut up grapes and followed him.

*

When Prim first told her about the trip two months ago, she hadn’t intended on going, even if that meant Prim would be with her boyfriend, unsupervised, two hundred miles away.

It wasn’t as if it would be only Prim and Rory. Gale, Rory’s older brother was going too, as well as a huge group of friends. Katniss knew Gale would keep an eye on her sister, and things wouldn’t get too out of hand.

But then Peeta had happened. More specifically, he had confessed to having a crush on her and kissed her. They had avoided the subject when she returned to work, and she hoped he had chalked it up to a drunken mistake.

It didn’t matter that she felt the same way. She had managed to appear mostly unaffected and maybe even a little annoyed about the whole thing. Hopefully, that was enough to put him off.

It was just too complicated. If she started dating Peeta, what would that mean for her job? Being Hannah’s nanny was the best job she had ever had. She couldn’t imagine doing something else.

Even if they somehow managed to work out the details, she knew, ultimately, the relationship would fail. She was impossible to love. Isn’t that what her last boyfriend had said?

She would fuck it up somehow, and worse than losing her job, worse than losing Peeta, she would hurt Hannah. The last thing Hannah needed was another woman disappearing from her life. 

It was all so complicated. Better to just keep things as they were. Why risk it?

She would finish work this week, and head to the Jersey Shore with her friends and sister on Saturday. They had rented a huge beach house, so adding Katniss to the group made little difference. Half of them would be sleeping on air mattresses anyway. She would have fun, she would enjoy the weather, and most importantly, she would use Gale to get her mind off Peeta.

Best way to get over a guy was to get underneath another one. At least, that’s what Johanna always said.

Katniss knew Gale liked her. They had a date the night before they were leaving for Jersey. If it went well, then she could spend the entire week building…something with him. A part of her knew that she wasn’t being fair to her best friend. He liked her, and she was taking advantage of it. The other part of her hoped she’d fall in love with him, the same way he’d fallen for her. Then, everything would be fixed. Everyone expected her to end up with Gale anyway.

He loved her. He had said so. He wasn’t like her last boyfriend. Not even close.

The day before her vacation, Katniss showed up at Peeta’s home dressed in her bathing suit and a sundress. She brought a change of clothes for her date with Gale that night.

“Hey!” she greeted Peeta. “Ready for the beach?”

Peeta smiled as he loaded a towel and sunscreen into a beach bag. “It’s all Hannah would talk about last night. And this morning. I wish she understood the concept of time.”

“She asked when you were leaving every five minutes, huh?”

“Try every three.” He finally glanced up at her and froze. He studied her for a moment before saying, quite simply, “You look nice.”

“Oh, thanks.” The sun dress was a little short for Katniss’s taste, but it was too hot to consider anything with more material.

“Let me write you a check now. I’ll forget later if I don’t.”

Katniss hated this part. Sure, getting paid was the whole point of having a job, and she relied on Peeta’s checks to pay her bills, but she couldn’t help but feel awkward. At least when she worked at Target, it came from a corporation instead of a single dad who overpaid her.

She stared down at the check after Peeta finished writing it. “Uh, Peeta, this is too much.”

Peeta leaned over and glanced at it. “No, that’s what you usually get.”

“Yeah, but we’re going to the beach today.” At Peeta’s blank stare, she continued, “All three of us.”

“And?”

“So today really isn’t a nanny day. It’s a hangout day. You don’t need to pay me.”

“That doesn’t seem fair. You’re still with Hannah.”

“But so are you,” she pointed out.

“So what? I’m still relying on you to help me out.”

“I don’t know…”

“How about you make us sandwiches? Will that make you feel better?”

“I guess.” Katniss walked toward the kitchen. An idea occurred to her, and she turned around. “Oh! I’ll buy us all ice cream.”

“You don’t need to do that. Just think of today as extra money for your trip.”

He smiled but it wasn’t his usual one. It was almost a pained expression. He had been acting weird about her trip ever since she asked for the week off. He assured her it wasn’t a problem getting the time off from work. The bakery was family-owned, after all, and Rye and Tyler could handle it for a few days.

It was the timing. Peeta knew Katniss was trying to take a break from him. It was a wonder he had agreed to this beach day in the first place.

“I’m carrying all the bags,” she said.

“I have no complaints about that,” he said with his usual grin.

Peeta followed her into the kitchen where she took out a jar of peanut butter, a loaf of bread, and a few plates and set them on the counter. As she made the sandwiches, Peeta sliced strawberries and grapes and put them in Tupperware.

“I need to ask you something,” Peeta said suddenly.

Katniss froze. She glanced up quickly into the living room where Hannah was currently lying on the couch, thumb in her mouth. At least, Hannah was out of earshot.

“Yeah?”

“Did you pull a woman’s hair on Wednesday?”

Shit. Katniss had given Peeta an abbreviated version of Hannah’s tumble down the slide. She had left out her confrontation with Cashmere.

“Hannah told you?”

“Yeah,” he said.

Katniss sighed and set down the knife. She turned toward Peeta. “I’m sorry. I was just so angry. Her stupid kid pushed Hannah, and then she had the nerve to tell me that bullying builds character and that she wouldn’t make him apologize, and I just lost it. I really thought—”

Peeta wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug. His skin was warm. She could smell the sunscreen already on his skin. It made her think of the beach, of long summer days and bonfires at night. Her heart sped up.

“What is this?”

“It’s a hug.” He pulled away, his arms falling to his side, but he remained close. “Thank you,” he said.

“For teaching your daughter it’s okay to pull a stranger’s hair?”

Peeta laughed. “No, for standing up for her. For protecting her. It means a lot that I have someone like you to look after her. It makes me worry less. Just try not to get banned from any public places.”

“Oh. You’re welcome, I guess. I’ll try to control my impulses though.”

His gaze held hers for a beat too long. “I wish you wouldn’t.”

Without waiting for a response, he walked past her into the living room. She still felt where his hands had touched her skin, like the dull pain of a sunburn that lasted long after the day had ended.

She wanted him to touch her again.

Taking a deep breath, she wondered if she had made the right choice the week before. She realized every day she worked for Peeta, she’d have to make the same choice. Again and again. A constant denial of her feelings.

She wasn’t sure she was strong enough to last.


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos & comments!

True to her word, Katniss carried almost everything—her shoulder bag, Peeta’s backpack, and the enormous floral bag containing snacks, toys, sunscreen, towels, and a hundred other just-in-case items. Peeta had the cooler in one hand and the umbrella in the other. Hannah skipped around them, chanting “Beach! Beach!”

A few yards down the boardwalk, an elderly couple stopped in front of the trio. The woman smiled widely. “What a gorgeous family!”

“Thank you,” Peeta replied.

Katniss said nothing, feeling awkward that she had been lumped in with Hannah and Peeta. She looked nothing like them.

“Your little girl is so pretty. What’s your name, dear?”

“Hannah.”

“It’s so wonderful to meet you, Hannah. Have fun with your mom and dad today!”

“Thanks,” Peeta said. “You have a great day.”

Katniss stuttered out a goodbye and wondered why no one had bothered correcting the couple. Did Peeta consider it more trouble than it was worth? What harm did it do, really, letting a nice older couple think they were a family?

But Katniss was still surprised Hannah hadn’t said anything.

Finally, they found a spot set back from the water. Peeta dug a hole for the umbrella and set it up. Katniss dragged the cooler into the circle of shade and laid a blanket out. Hannah dropped to the ground and dug her toes and fingers in the sand.

“Are you hungry?” Peeta asked Hannah at the same time Katniss offered her something to drink. They looked up at each other in surprise.

Hannah glanced back and forth between them before asking for a juice box.

“I forgot you were in charge today,” Peeta said with a grin. “I’m one hundred percent off duty.”

“Good,” Katniss said. “Enjoy the weather. Leaving the worrying to me.”

Taking Hannah to the beach had been a nerve-wracking activity at first. There was so much that could go wrong. If Katniss took her eyes off Hannah for more than a second, Hannah could be swept off by a wave or snatched by a stranger. There were also several mundane fears such as sunburn, bee stings, and sand in her eyes.

Katniss knew it was silly to worry about every little thing, especially when worrying did nothing to prevent problems, but she couldn’t help it. After her father’s death and her mother’s breakdown, Katniss realized the world couldn’t be trusted to unfold as it should. Suddenly, there was so much that could go wrong.

And the only way Katniss could combat the possibilities was by thinking incessantly about them.

She was more relaxed at the beach now. She trusted Hannah to stay away from the water unless Katniss was right behind her. As long as she applied sunscreen to Hannah’s skin every hour, she could prevent Hannah from resembling a boiled lobster. 

Which reminded her…

“Peeta, how long ago did you apply sunblock to Hannah?”

“About fifteen minutes before you came over.”

Katniss calculated how long she had spent at the house before they left plus travel time and decided to reapply the sunscreen. Just in case.

“C’mere, Hannah. Leave your juice box there,” Katniss said. 

Hannah dutifully walked over and closed her eyes, used to the routine. Katniss sprayed every inch of Hannah’s skin, even lifting up straps to get underneath. Katniss rubbed the lotion in just in case she missed a spot. The last step was spraying the part in Hannah’s hair.

“I totally forgot about that,” Peeta said, watching Katniss closely. “Her head, I mean. It always burns.”

“Can I go play now?” Hannah asked.

“Stay close,” Katniss and Peeta said in unison.

“This is starting to freak me out,” Katniss said.

“It’s making me feel better,” Peeta replied. “You’re good at this.”

“I guess.” Katniss studied Peeta. He already looked flushed, and they had only been in the sun for a few minutes. “How long ago did you apply your sunscreen?”

“Uhh…”

“Exactly. You need more. Take off your shirt.”

“Excuse me?”

Katniss glared at him, but he only smiled.

“No, really, the ocean is so loud. Can you repeat that one more time?”

“Go ahead. Burn to a crisp. See if I care,” Katniss said, settling on the blanket. 

Peeta held up his hands in surrender. “Please don’t let me burn.” 

She rolled her eyes and grabbed the sunscreen. She bent over to spray Peeta’s legs as he removed his shirt. When she stood up straight, all she could do was stare at his back muscles. She wanted to run her hand down his skin, feel the muscles tighten beneath her fingertips. Heat spread from her cheeks down her chest, settling between her legs. She was suddenly much too hot.

She wished she could blame the sun.

“Did you do it?” Peeta asked.

His words jolted her out of whatever fantasy she had found herself in and she sprayed his back. He jumped, surprised at the sudden assault of cold sunscreen. When she finished, she dropped the bottle onto the blanket and began to rub the lotion into his skin. He stiffened, but he didn’t pull away.

“I just want to make sure I didn’t miss any spots,” she said, which was true. But she’d be lying if she said she didn’t have any ulterior motives.

Her hand moved to the small of his back, hovering at his board shirts.

“Can I…?” she trailed off.

“Please.”

She dipped her fingers behind the waistband, rubbing the rest of the lotion into the skin beneath. _This is just in case his shorts slip down,_ she reminded herself. She didn’t want him to burn, or worse, get sun poisoning.

He turned suddenly, his chest much too close to hers, his face inches away. “Your turn,” he said.

Instead of considering what a bad idea this was, she untied the straps of her sundress and let it drop. Peeta snatched up the sunscreen and stood behind her. Hannah remained in her line of sight.

That is, until Peeta touched her. What began as a rubbing in of the sunscreen quickly turned into a back massage. His fingers slid beneath the straps of her bikini top, although he avoided the edges of her bottoms. 

His hands felt warm, strong, comforting. Heat pooled in her stomach, and she had to fight the urge to turn around and kiss him.

“Daddy, daddy, come look!” Hannah’s voice startled Katniss. Her eyes shot open and she stumbled backward into Peeta. His hand splayed across her hip to steady her. His touch was hot, burning, and she had to push herself away.

“Katniss?” he asked.

She waved him toward Hannah and grabbed a water bottle from the cooler.

She knew now that today had been a bad idea, and yet she was dreading her vacation the following week. The idea of being at the beach without Hannah or Peeta felt wrong.

Being anywhere without Peeta felt wrong.

*

Hannah had gone from running around the beach with another little girl her age, to quietly building sand castles, to running around again. 

Katniss finally called her over for lunch and another juice box. Hannah’s energy seemed spent as she alternated between yawning and sipping her juice, but she denied being tired or wanting to go. She ate only half of her sandwich, claiming not to be hungry before returning to her sand castles.

“Her pigtails aren’t lopsided anymore,” Peeta said.

Katniss looked at him with surprise. They had been sitting beside each other, silently taking turns keeping an eye on Hannah.

“What do you mean?”

“They always used to be lopsided when I did them. No matter what I did, I couldn’t make them look right.”

“They were not—” When Peeta gave her a look, she changed course. “ _That_ lopsided.”

“Well, whatever they were, they look great now. Perfect pigtails, intricate braids. God, her hair even looks better when you brush it.”

“I have had a lot more practice than you,” Katniss said. “I did Prim’s hair all the time.”

“What was it you did last week? When she went over Savannah’s house?”

“A braid crown,” Katniss said. “Hannah has amazing patience when it comes to doing her hair.”

“She looked so pretty. So much like her mother.”

Katniss stared at Peeta, trying to figure out his current emotional state. His voice sounded strained, but he looked perfectly calm.

“Her mother’s blonde too?”

“Oh yeah, she looks just like Madge.”

“I think she looks just like you.”

“Yeah?” Peeta asked. 

“She’s got your nose. And your smile.” Katniss stared down at her lap. “She’s thoughtful like you too.”

“She’s barely four.”

“Yeah, well you must be doing something right for her to be such a sweetheart. A couple of weeks ago, I—” she cut herself off, suddenly embarrassed.

“What?”

“I got a phone call from someone I don’t speak to anymore. He, uh, left a voicemail, and instead of deleting it, I listened to it while I was waiting to pick up Hannah from school. She noticed immediately that I was upset. She gave me the biggest hug and asked I’d like some ice cream because ice cream always makes her feel better.” Katniss laughed at the memory, but her throat ached. She hoped Peeta couldn’t hear the sadness in her voice. 

“Who called you? Wait, never mind. I don’t want to pry.”

“No, it’s fine. I mean, I brought it up. It was my ex-boyfriend.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, it was a, um, messy break-up. I haven’t heard from him in months.”

“Did you get ice cream?”

Katniss smiled, relieved that he wasn’t going to press for more information. How could she possibly explain the toll her relationship with Cato had taken on her? He had never physically hurt her, but his words had cut her open. They had never healed completely, and they remained with her, thick, white scars she tried so hard to hide.

Sometimes she wished she had let Gale beat the crap out of Cato. Maybe if she had seen him hurt, seen him as fallible, he wouldn’t have such an effect on her still.

“Yeah. Me and Hannah stopped at Coldstone. She told the server to give me an extra scoop because I was having a bad day.”

“Seriously?”

Katniss nodded. 

“You should have come to the bakery. You could have gotten some dessert for free,” Peeta said.

“I didn’t want to bring Hannah in while you were working.”

“You two are always welcome in the bakery. Any time. There are free cookies waiting for you.”

“In that case, we’ll be there everyday.”

She turned to smile at him, but he looked pensive. Her smile vanished.

“Can I ask you something?”

Uh oh. “Maybe. I mean, yes,” she said.

“It’s important that you answer honestly.”

Her stomach twisted as dozens of possibilities ran through her head. They were having such a wonderful day. She didn’t want it ruined. “Um, alright.”

“What’s your favorite color?” he asked.

Katniss paused, waiting for him to say something else. “That’s it?”

“Yeah. Favorite color. Go.”

“You made it sound a lot more serious.”

“This is serious. You’ve been working for me for months, and I don’t even know your favorite color. Or favorite food. What do you watch on TV? What do you even do when you’re not at my house?”

“Not much,” Katniss said.

“It’s green, isn’t it? You wear a lot of green.”

“It is, actually. And yours is orange, right?”

“How’d you know?” Peeta asked. “It’s not exactly my go-to color.”

Katniss thought for a second. “Hannah told me. The first day we met. She said her favorite color was orange just like yours.”

“And I bet you imagined some hideous bright shade.”

“Well, yeah. What else is there?”

“A sunset orange. Softer, more muted.”

Katniss closed her eyes and imagined the way the sky looked as she drove home after a long day at Peeta’s house. Blue to pink to a warm, soft orange that transformed the sky.

She doubted she’d be able to look at a sunset again without thinking of him.

“That’s pretty,” she said.

“Anything else you want to offer up?”

Katniss shrugged. “There’s not much to know about me. Outside of work, I read, hang out with my friends, watch TV. I’m actually a very boring person.”

“Yeah? Well, I like boring.”

She realized then what he was doing. She had accused him of not knowing her well. This was him trying to get to know her. He wasn’t exactly being subtle.

“I don’t…I don’t have any plans for the future. It’s part of my problem. I like where I am now, but I’m not sure where I’m going,” she said.

“I know what you mean,” he agreed. “My future has a direction, but I feel sort of stuck. I’ll keep working at the bakery, keeping being a father to Hannah, but other than that…”

“Who knows,” she finished for him. “Eventually Hannah will start kindergarten, and you won’t need me anymore.”

“Don’t be so sure of that,” Peeta said. “It’s only been a few months, and we’ve gotten quite used to you. Who will do her hair once she starts kindergarten?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll teach you my ways. And if worse comes to worse, you can hire me as a consultant.”

Peeta grinned. “I might have to take you up on that.”

*

As the afternoon drifted into evening, Peeta suggested they take a walk down the beach before leaving. Hannah reached first for her father’s hand and then Katniss’s. She walked between them, the cool ocean water spilling over the sand and their feet.

Hannah pointed out seashells and rocks. She even noticed a crab. But every time she finished showing off whatever treasure she found, she’d return to her place between Katniss and Peeta.

Walking with Hannah and Peeta this morning had felt normal until the elderly couple commented on them. Now, however, everything about their walk was strange. Something vaguely familiar swirled within Katniss’s chest, something like nostalgia.

For what, she wasn’t sure.

“Daddy?” Hannah asked, bringing the group to a halt. She turned to face Peeta. “Do some people have two mommies?”

“Do some—Oh! Yes, sweetheart. Some people have two mommies or two daddies. Some people only have one.”

Katniss gave him an encouraging smile.

“Are you talking about Courtney in your class?” Peeta asked.

“Yeah, she said she has two moms and no dads, but it’s okay because her moms love her so much she doesn’t need one.”

“That’s right,” Peeta said. “All families are different. As long as they love one another, they’re a family. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Hannah said, her tone suddenly serious. She nodded to emphasize her understanding. She returned to her former position and grabbed Katniss’s and Peeta’s hands.

“Katniss, you can be my second mom, okay?” Hannah said.

“I—” Katniss didn’t know how to finish her sentence. She looked up at Peeta in a panic.

“That’s not exactly what I meant, sweetheart,” Peeta said.

“Why? You said families love one another. I love Katniss. Don’t you love Katniss?”

The silence stretched on for far too long. Katniss concentrated on the water tickling her feet, the dirt soft and wet between her toes. 

Finally, Hannah looked up at her father and asked him to carry her. “My stomach hurts,” she said.

So Peeta swept her into his arms, and they made the long walk back to their little camp. Peeta and Katniss didn’t speak. They couldn’t. Not with Hannah’s question hanging between them like a grenade without its pin. Katniss kept waiting for it to go off, but there was nothing.

Just the anticipation and the deafening quiet.

*

The ride home was silent. Hannah quickly fell asleep in her car seat. A few minutes from Peeta’s house, Katniss asked if she could take a shower.

It was a normal question, but the weirdness from earlier still stretched between them.

“Sure,” Peeta said. “Going out tonight?”

“Uh, yeah.” She took a deep breath. She might as well tell him. The point of the date was to move on, but if she was the only one who knew about it, then how much good did it do? “I have a date tonight.”

Peeta made a noncommittal sound. “Oh.”

“It’s with my friend. Gale. He’s my best friend, actually. I’ve known him since I was a kid. Since forever.” She was rambling. This was going well.

“Great.”

“Peeta, I—”

“You don’t have to explain yourself. Really. This is good. I screwed up the other night, and I’m glad it didn’t make things weird between us.”

“I am too,” she said softly.

The silence that fell was thick, awkward. She felt the tension in her joints, in the aching of her throat.

“Is it because I’m your boss? Because we can be both, you know,” Peeta suddenly said. “Nothing has to change.”

“Everything would change. You don’t—we can’t do this.”

“I know you’re afraid of what would happen if we broke up. I don’t want Hannah hurt either. But you’re getting ahead of yourself. What if we worked?”

“It’s not me that you want. Madge left a hole in your life, and you’re trying to fill it.”

“That’s not it,” Peeta snapped. He sounded surprisingly angry. “Madge and I…we weren’t ever…” He sighed. “The way I feel about you doesn’t come close to how I ever felt about Madge. That’s not what this is about.”

She stared out the window. She wasn’t sure she had any words left to offer. The idea that he felt so strongly for her, that he was willing to fight for her, made her dizzy.

It also made her feel terrible because she didn’t deserve it. She was selfish and difficult and worthless. What did she have to offer him?

“If all I wanted was a new mother for Hannah, I could call Glimmer up and take her out on another date.”

“Maybe you should.”

“What?”

“Call up Glimmer. She sounded nice. Maybe you two should go out again.”

Peeta inhaled sharply. “You’re right. I should.”

“I can watch Hannah whenever you need me to.”

“I know,” he said.

They pulled into the driveway. Their eyes met, and she held his gaze. The words were on the tip of her tongue. She desperately wanted to tell him that she felt the same way. Having a little family to love sounded like paradise, especially when that family included Peeta. A man who made her feel safe and cared for. A man who would never use his words to hurt her.

“Thanks,” she said instead. “For today. I had a lot of fun.”

Peeta nodded, but said nothing. He got out of the car and went to the backseat to unbuckle Hannah.

Balancing all three beach bags, she followed them inside.

*

She was in Peeta’s shower. She lathered her body with his soap, her hair with his shampoo. She would smell like another man on her date with Gale.

She wanted to. Oh, she wanted to.

She rinsed her hair and tried to turn her mind off.

*

When she came downstairs, her wet hair twisted in a braid around the crown of her head, dressed in skinny jeans and a billowy orange top, she felt like a fraud. Every item of clothing, even her hairstyle, had been selected with Peeta in mind.

“Hey, good, I was afraid you’d leave without saying goodbye,” Peeta said, looking up from a magazine in the kitchen. “You look beautiful, by the way. I really like your shirt.”

She couldn’t help the blush that crept up her neck. “Thanks.”

“Look, I’m sorry. I acted like an idiot again. I promise to keep this,” he gestured between them, “strictly professional from now on. The last thing I want to do is drive you to quit.”

“Don’t worry,” she said. “The last thing I want to do is quit.”

“I hope you have fun tonight. I really do.”

“Thanks, Peeta.”

He came out from behind the counter and hugged her. She hated how good it felt, how perfect and safe it made her feel. She decided he was an idea to her just as she was to him. She missed having a family that was happy and whole. She missed having someone that would make everything all right.

She just wanted security.

“Katniss, are you leaving?” a little voice asked.

“Hey, Hannah Banana, I thought you were sleeping,” Katniss said, stepping away from Peeta.

“I was, but I woke up. My tummy hurts.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that. Can I have a big hug and kiss? Maybe it’ll make you feel better.”

Katniss squatted down and held out her arms. Hannah was only steps away when her lunch came rushing back up, landing on Katniss’s arms, shirt, and pants.

Hannah immediately started crying.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Katniss said, trying to sound soothing. It was difficult with the smell and the sticky feeling of vomit covering half her body.

Peeta quickly scooped Hannah up and brought her into the bathroom. More vomiting soon followed. Twenty minutes later, when Hannah had exhausted herself into passing out on the bathmat, Peeta went back into the kitchen.

The mess on the floor was cleaned up, but Katniss and her car were gone.

*

After another round of throwing up and the added delight of diarrhea, Peeta gave Hannah a quick shower and wrapped her up in her favorite fleece nightgown. It was warm outside, but cool inside with the air conditioning, and she was shivering.

He tried to focus on his sick daughter, but he couldn’t help feeling disappointed that not only had Katniss left for her date, but she hadn’t stopped to check on Hannah before leaving.

Peeta settled on the couch with Hannah in his lap and an empty bowl beside him, and put on a _Sofia the First_ DVD. Headlights swam across the living room as a car pulled up outside.

Katniss appeared moments later, dressed in one of Peeta’s t-shirts and a pair of his sweatpants. Her braid was intact, and her skin glowed, sunkissed from their day at the beach. She looked comical in his oversized clothing, but beautiful and determined as well. She set a plastic grocery bag down on a chair.

“I’ve got apple juice and Pedialyte. I also bought her a Doc McStuffins doll and DVD. I don’t know why. It was just a spur of the moment thing,” she said, pulling out each item. “Let me get her a sippy cup of watered down juice. We don’t want her getting dehydrated.”

Peeta could only stare and nod. 

_What the hell?_

Katniss hadn’t left. Well, she had, but only to get supplies Peeta hadn’t even begun to think about.

A couple of minutes later, Katniss appeared with a purple sippy cup that she handed to Peeta.

“Oh, Sofia the First!” she exclaimed, smiling down at a sleepy Hannah. “That’s my favorite.”

“Mine too,” Hannah mumbled. 

Katniss settled down on the couch carefully so as not to jostle Hannah.

“I’m sorry I got sick on you,” Hannah said.

Katniss brushed Hannah’s hair back. “Don’t worry about it. I got to steal your dad’s clothes. I’m much more comfortable now.”

Hannah yawned and closed her eyes.

“What about your date?” Peeta whispered. “Did you tell him you’re going to be late?”

“I cancelled,” Katniss said, staring at the television screen as if the animated movie was the most fascinating program she had ever seen.

“Katniss, you don’t have to do that. I can take care of her.”

“I know,” Katniss said. “You’re a good dad. I just want to make sure she’s okay too.”

Peeta opened his mouth to say more, to argue, but in the end he let it go.

So Katniss stayed.

*

It was a long night. Hannah woke up four times, but Katniss and Peeta took turns escorting her to the bathroom, cleaning her up afterwards, and keeping her hydrated.

It was nearly eight the next morning when Katniss woke up beside Peeta, Hannah curled up at the foot of the bed.

She wondered if Cato had been wrong when he said she was impossible to love. If maybe every word he uttered was a lie. Her brain told her he couldn’t be trusted, but she always felt so undeserving of affection, of kindness. 

Being with Peeta was a disaster waiting to happen. But why was dating Gale any better? Because she didn’t care about him? Because it proved how selfish she was?

She didn’t want Cato to be right.

“Hey,” Peeta said.

“Hey.” She inched toward him, careful not to disturb Hannah. She rested her head on his chest, her ear over his heartbeat. The noise was calming, soothing.

“Katniss?” Peeta asked.

“Shh,” she said. “Let’s go back to sleep.”

“Don’t you have a vacation to go on?”

“I’ll drive up later,” she said.

He wrapped his arms around her, pressed his lips against her head. She fell back asleep, safe, warm, and happy.

*

Katniss didn’t drive up.

She didn’t even leave Peeta’s house. She only got of bed to get a sippy cup or a change of clothes for Hannah.

Eventually she headed home to grab the bag she packed for New Jersey and brought it back to Peeta’s house.

She stayed over again.

They did not kiss or discuss what was happening between the two of them. Instead they acted as a team, anticipating what the other needed and getting it before he or she could ask. They took turns with Hannah.

They found themselves touching the other frequently and quite unnecessarily. Whenever they were both in the kitchen, Peeta skimmed the small of Katniss’s back when he walked by. She slid a hand across his shoulder blades as if to guide herself across the room.

When they settled on the couch to watch _Tinkerbell_ with Hannah pressed between them, Peeta hung his arm around the back of the couch, his fingers tangling in Katniss’s hair.

She knew what was happening. She knew it was a bad idea, but she couldn’t bring herself to burst their happy little bubble.

By day three, Hannah seemed to be on the mend. She kept fluids down for twelve hours, and the next step was trying dry toast. For now though, she slept in her own bed, nestled up to her teddy bear and sippy cup.

Katniss showered and dressed. Then, it was Peeta’s turn. When he emerged from his bedroom, the neck of his t-shirt damp from his wet hair, jeans slung low around his waist, he found Katniss waiting for him.

“Hey,” he said, trying to sound as casual as possible.

“Hey.”

“Do you need something?”

Yes, she thought. She thought maybe if she kissed him hard enough, long enough, she’d remember what it felt like to feel worthy of someone else. To feel loved.

“Prim texted me,” she said. “She wants me to drive to Jersey. They still have another six days there.”

“Do you want to go?”

“Not really. But Hannah’s feeling better, and you don’t seem to be getting sick, and Prim really wants me there.”

“So go. It’s okay. Let me get dressed and write you a check for these past couple of days.”

She stepped back, hurt at the suggestion. “I don’t need money for helping you.”

“But that’s your job, isn’t it?”

“Right. You’re right. Sorry.” She felt ridiculous all of a sudden, assuming he was still interested after she spent a week pushing him away.

“I just want us to be on the same page,” he said. “I don’t want you to misinterpret anything.”

“Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I want you to misinterpret everything.”

He studied her, trying to work out what she meant. Finally, he asked, “Do you want to go out on a date?”

“Yes,” she said. “As soon as I get back.”

“Good. I guess I’ll have to find a sitter,” he said with a grin.

“Prim can do it. Hannah’s met her before, and thinks she looks like Elsa. I can probably talk her into wear gloves to complete the effect.”

“Okay, it’s a date then.”

“Yeah. A date.”

She nodded, satisfied, and walked up to him. She kissed him softly. He tasted like spearmint, smelled the same way her hair had smelled the past couple of days. Before she could pull away, he wrapped an arm around her back, pulled her flush against him. 

“I want to get to know you,” he said.

“I hope you still like me when you do.”

He smiled down at her, pressed a kiss to her temple. “How could I not?”

*

New Jersey was a blur of beaches, bars, and crappy beer. Katniss hung out with her sister and her friends. She explained to Gale that she had reconsidered the idea of them dating, that she preferred his friendship and didn’t want to lose it. They argued, loudly, and he stomped out of the room to sulk. He didn’t speak to her for the remainder of the week.

It didn’t faze Katniss one bit.

*

The afternoon she got back, her hair still wavy from the ocean breeze, sand still in-between her toes, she drove straight to Peeta’s home.

When she pulled into the driveway, she was surprised to find an unfamiliar car parked next to his.

She walked up the path, excitement fluttering in her throat, her chest. All she wanted was to see him, say hello. She had already extracted a promise from Prim to watch Hannah any night the following week, so she hoped she and Peeta could set up a definite time for their date.

When a woman answered the door, sporting a huge grin and golden hair tied back with a ribbon, it took Katniss a moment to realize who she was.

There weren’t pictures of this woman in any room of the house except Hannah’s.

It was Madge.

Hannah’s mother.


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once again for reading and leaving comments! Gorgeous banner is by the amazing loving-mellark.

[ ](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/Angeleyez779/media/Your%20Hand%20in%20Mine%20NEW.jpg.html)

Madge showed up on Saturday morning.

Peeta was sitting at the kitchen table with Hannah, eating a bowl of cereal while she picked at her plate of waffles, when there was a knock at the door.

His first thought was, _Katniss_. His heart sped up at the idea that she had driven home a day early to pick up where they had left off. He told Hannah he’d be right back as he nearly tripped over the chair leg in his rush to the front door.

When he found Madge Undersee on his doorstep, he felt as if he had fallen from a great height. The shock of seeing her, the disappointment of it not being Katniss knocked the breath out of him.

“Hi, Peeta,” she said. Her words were careful, her body language unsure. Her blonde hair was down, falling over her shoulders in loose waves. She was wearing that red lipstick he liked, and the sleeveless blouse he had purchased her for Christmas two years ago.

“Madge, what are you doing here?” He fought the urge to step outside, close the door behind him, before Hannah saw her. It wasn’t that he wanted to separate Hannah from her mother, but he couldn’t bear the idea that Madge would disappear again. It wasn’t right, wasn’t fair.

Then, he noticed the overnight bag sitting at her feet.

“I’m ready,” she said. “I’m ready to come home.”

*

The day disappeared quickly. As soon as Hannah saw Madge, she launched herself into her mother's arms and wouldn't let go for the rest of the day. They spent hours coloring pictures, playing dolls, making cookies. When Peeta suggested they go out to eat, Hannah begged Madge to sit in the backseat. Hannah seemed terrified of letting Madge out of her sight.

After dinner and a stop for ice cream, the three of them curled up on the couch to watch a movie. Hannah snuggled next to Madge with Peeta on Hannah's other side. Madge and Hannah looked cozy, but no matter what position Peeta sat in, he couldn't get comfortable. It felt wrong.

Everything felt wrong.

Eventually, Hannah fell asleep, and Madge brought her to bed. When Madge returned, she shut off the movie and sat beside Peeta on the couch.

They were alone for the first time all day.

"I missed her," Madge said. "It’s really nice being back."

"Are you staying?"

"I meant what I said. I'm ready to come home," Madge said.

Peeta deflated. He didn't know it was possible to feel both disappointed and happy at the same time. 

Madge touched his hand, and he let her.

She slid closer on the couch, and he let her.

"That is, if I'm welcome?"

"You're always welcome," Peeta said. "This is your home too."

She touched his cheek, leaned forward, but he stopped her this time. "Let's not rush into anything."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I just got back."

In the end though, Madge followed him into his bedroom, never offering to take the couch. After he brushed his teeth and pulled on a pair of sweatpants, he took his pillow and returned to the living room without a word. 

He couldn't sleep next to her. Not yet.

*

The next morning, Hannah sat watching morning cartoons while Madge and Peeta had an "adult" conversation in the kitchen. Hannah hated those. They always ended in yelling.

"You hired a nanny?" Madge asked. "I thought we discussed daycare."

"Yeah, well, after you left, I didn't feel right just dropping Hannah off with strangers."

"So you left her with one stranger."

Peeta glared. "It's different. It's Katniss. Hannah adores her, and she doesn't have to fight with other kids for attention."

"Yes, but she needs preschool in order to be ready for kindergarten. You could have set her back."

"She goes to preschool four mornings a week. Katniss gets her ready, drops her off, picks her up, and does housework and errands for me in between."

Madge leaned back against the counter, folded her arms across her chest. "Sounds like you got yourself a wife."

"Don't start this, Madge. You left. I needed help. I couldn't do this all on my own."

"Well, does she at least have a degree in early childhood education?"

"No," Peeta said.

"Well, what's she going to school for?"

"She's not going to school. She didn't do college."

"Then, why the hell are you using my parents' money to pay her fifteen dollars an hour? You could have hired someone of a higher quality—"

"Don't," Peeta warned. "You don't know her at all. She brings Hannah to storytime at the library every week, they do art projects, they play at the park. Katniss is an excellent nanny, and I honestly don't know where Hannah and I would be right now if it wasn't for her."

Madge looked away, her jaw clenched. "Well, I'm home now. You don't need to be wasting my parents' money anymore."

"It wasn't a waste. And I'm not getting rid of her. I don't think it's a good idea for you to stay home full-time with Hannah. That was part of the problem last time, remember?"

"I don't know if I'm ready to work," Madge confessed. "I thought I could earn my degree online while I stay home."

"I think it's great that you want to get your degree. I fully support you whether you do it online or in person, but you get stir crazy when you're in the house all day."

"Well, what about your nanny? She doesn't go crazy?"

"No, because this is her job. And she gets to leave when I come home and return to her life. You, on the other hand, won't be able to leave because this is your life. Being a mother is a twenty-four job, and—"

"You sound like my parents. Please don't lecture me."

Peeta rubbed his forehead. "Look, I think you should at least work part-time."

"I don't want some strange woman watching my daughter."

"She’s not some strange woman! Besides, you lost the right to make these decisions when you walked out."

"How long are you going to hold that over my head?" Madge asked, her voice low.

"You've been back less than twenty-four hours. I'll bring it up until I really believe you're staying."

Madge held up her hands. "Okay. Fine. I don't want to fight anymore."

Peeta's shoulders sagged. One night with Madge, and they were already tearing into each other. He had to be patient. He had to try.

"Can we talk about this later?" Madge asked. "Just stick a pin in it?"

That was Madge's favorite expression, one she got from her mother. Just stick a pin in the unpleasant discussion, end it quickly. Return to it later when she would have a better chance of getting her way.

"Sure," Peeta said, just like he always did. The few times he had insisted they finish a conversation, it turned into a full-fledged argument. Madge was good at picking out Peeta's vulnerabilities and throwing them in his face.

She had compared him to his mother on more than one occasion. Being anything like her was his greatest fear. Sometimes he couldn't tell if Madge was being cruel or if she truly believed it.

"Why don't you go watch cartoons with Hannah while I make breakfast?" Peeta asked.

"Sounds good." Madge smiled as she walked toward him. She slipped her arms around his neck, but when she tried to kiss him, he turned his head, so her lips landed on his cheek.

He knew he had to commit to this, which meant kissing Madge, being affectionate with her, having sex. But until he could tell Katniss what was going on, it felt like cheating, and he couldn't do that to her.

He didn't want to do any of this to her.

But he knew what his father would do in this situation. It was what his father did when he was younger. Mr. Mellark had loved someone, but when his ex-girlfriend resurfaced, pregnant, Mr. Mellark broke it off. He accepted his role as a father, and he knew he had to do whatever it took to keep his family together and whole.

Even if the mother resented him for not loving her enough.

But Peeta could love Madge. He can do it better.

He could.

*

He didn’t text Katniss. He couldn’t. This wasn’t something explained over a cell phone screen. He hoped she would contact him when she made it home, and then he could meet her somewhere while Madge stayed with Hannah.

But of course, fate had a great sense of humor. Not only had it sent Madge back home just as Katniss was ready to take the next step with him, but it had sent Katniss straight to his house in an attempt to surprise him. 

“I’m Katniss. Hannah’s nanny,” Katniss said, her voice trailing down the short hallway into Peeta’s bedroom much later that afternoon. He had just stepped out of the shower. “I’m sorry. I must have mixed up my days.”

Peeta quickly threw some clothes on and rushed to the door. Hannah had beaten him there.

“Katniss, you came back!” Hannah cheered, wrapping her arms around Katniss’s legs. 

“I told you I would,” Katniss said with a forced smile. She knelt down and gave Hannah a proper hug. “You feeling better now?”

“Yes, much better. No more puking.”

“You were sick?” Madge asked, looking down at her daughter.

"Look, Katniss, my mom came back too!"

"That's wonderful, Hannah."

“Hi, Katniss.”

Katniss’s head shot up. Her eyes met Peeta’s, and they both saw the truth written on each other’s faces: Peeta had taken Madge back, and Katniss knew it.

“I was just saying I must have gotten my days mixed up,” Katniss announced as she stood. “I thought you needed me today. I’m sorry to just show up like this and interrupt.”

“You’re not interrupting,” Peeta insisted. “Madge, you know what, I need to go over Katniss’s new hours with her. Why don’t you take Hannah out to get some ice cream?”

Madge wasn’t an idiot. She felt the change in the air, saw the looks Katniss and Peeta exchanged, but she agreed anyway. She owed Peeta that much.

“Sure. Let me just run a brush through Hannah’s hair before we go.”

“No!” Hannah squeaked. “Katniss does my hair.”

This seemed to snap Katniss out of her daze. “But your mom’s here,” Katniss said. “You said she used to braid your hair.”

“I like your braids better. C’mon.” Hannah grabbed Katniss’s hand and pulled her forward into the house. “Let’s go in my room.”

Once they were gone, Madge looked over at Peeta, a hurt expression on her face.

“They’re together five days a week,” Peeta said. “Hannah has gotten pretty attached.”

“I’m not sure Hannah’s the only one,” Madge said. “No wonder you like her so much. Does she always dress like that?”

Peeta couldn’t stop thinking about the way she was dressed. She must have driven here straight from New Jersey. She wore the same sundress from their beach day, the green string of her bikini tied around her neck. His hands ached to slip her dress down, touch her bare skin as she had once let him.

“She probably wanted to take her to the beach one last time before the weather changed.”

“Mmmhmm.” Madge turned and disappeared into Hannah’s bedroom. Peeta heard Madge’s voice, a little too loud, and a little too cheerful: “Let me see how this braid is done!”

*

After Madge and Hannah left, Peeta tried to steer Katniss into the living room, so they could sit on the couch, but she refused to leave the kitchen.

“Let’s make this quick,” she said. “I need to get home.”

“Madge showed up yesterday. Out of the blue. No call. No warning.”

“Well, that’s how she left too, isn’t it?” Katniss snapped. She squeezed her eyes shut and took a breath as if trying to talk herself into staying calm. “And so I have new hours now?”

“Madge wants to stay home with Hannah. I don’t think it’s a good idea, so we agreed to do it on a part-time basis.”

“So you want me to be Hannah’s part-time nanny.”

“Not at first. I think Madge needs time getting used to Hannah’s routines. But eventually, yeah, I’ll have to switch you to part-time.”

Katniss shook her head as she leaned back against the counter. “You know I can’t do that, right? I can’t afford to work part-time.”

“Then, I’ll pay you for full-time.”

She rolled her eyes. “You can’t pay me for hours I don’t even work.”

“Why not? If it means you won’t leave, then I’ll do it.”

“The money isn’t the point, Peeta. The point is Madge is back, and you…you what? Forgave her immediately? Are you back together?”

Peeta stared down at his bare feet.

“ _Are you?_ ” She didn’t know why she was demanding an answer when she already knew.

“We agreed to work on our relationship.”

“Of course. Of course you did. Because you’re a good guy. You’re such a good guy, Peeta.” She went to move past him, but he stepped in front of her, reached for her hands.

“Katniss, please, let me explain.”

“Explain what?” She ripped her hands away. “That I was right? You just wanted a placeholder until Madge came back.”

“That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it? The second she comes back, there’s no room for me anymore.”

“Of course there’s room! I don’t want you to leave. If it were up to me, I’d keep you full-time. I don’t want you gone.”

“But it _is_ up to you. You’re the one who’s been here, and you’re the one trusting Hannah to a woman you can’t even rely on.”

“You don’t know, Madge, okay? You don’t know what she’s been through, or what she’s going through.”

“I don’t have to! I know that she abandoned you, she abandoned Hannah, and now she wants to come back and have everything be the way it was. Like she hit pause when she left, and nothing changed. No one moved on.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Katniss. I wanted this. I still do.”

“You can consider this my two weeks’ notice.”

It felt as if his heart had cracked open, and every good feeling he had was leaking out. It hurt. It hurt more than he ever thought it could.

“Don’t say that. Please.”

“I’ll take time to help Madge readjust to being Hannah’s mother, and then I’m gone. I need a full-time job. I can’t ignore my responsibilities just because you want it both ways.”

“I don’t want—”

“Of course you do! You want Madge back, and me to keep working for you! That’s not how this works. I’m a person with my own life. I’m not just going to sit around and wait for Madge to ditch you again. You made your choice.”

“Katniss, please, you have to understand.” He touched her cheek, and against her better judgment, she leaned into it. “I have to try. If there’s even the smallest chance that I can keep this family together, that I can make sure Hannah has a father and a mother, I have to take it. I’m sorry.”

He felt like he was falling, falling, with no end in sight. There was only the anticipation of impact, the fear of the shattered bones, a broken skull. The anticipation was so strong, it already hurt.

“I get it. I do. But in two weeks, I’m gone.”

He couldn’t help it. He knew he had to be Hannah’s father first, but he couldn’t help leaning forward and capturing her lips with his own. There was only the briefest moment of hesitation before Katniss wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close.

She smelled like the beach, like the sun and sand and saltwater. Her scent brought him back to the week before, when Hannah had looked up at him and asked if he loved Katniss too.

Yes. Of course he did. Why hadn’t he said it then? Now he couldn’t because it would be cruel to give it to her and take it away in the next breath.

Katniss put a hand to his chest, pushed him away. They stood like that, breathing heavily. He took a chance and slid a finger down the side of her face, down her neck, to her collarbone. He skimmed the top of her breasts. She shuddered.

“You look just like you did last week.” His desire was mirrored in her expression, but he saw the hurt too, the confusion. He knew this was wrong, but he couldn’t help pressing his lower half into her, his hand planted on the counter behind her.

She slipped one of the straps of her dress off her shoulder.

Then the other.

“This is how I wanted to greet you,” she whispered.

He moved far enough away to let her sundress drop to the ground. She wore the same bikini he had touched a little over a week ago, the one he carefully slipped his fingertips under to spread the sunblock. He wanted to explore her once more, taste the saltwater on her skin.

“Have you slept with her?” she asked.

“No, God no. I spent last night on the couch.” He reached out and touched her hair, let the strands slip through his fingers. “I haven’t even kissed her.”

“Good,” Katniss said, before crushing her lips to his. 

He lifted her up, sat her on the counter, and yanked her forward. She wrapped her legs around his waist, his erection rubbing against the thin layer of her bikini bottom. He wanted more of this, more of her. He tugged off his shirt before trailing kisses down her jawline. He glanced up at her, but instead of seeing a look of pleasure or desire, her face was screwed up with pain.

“Stop,” she said.

He straightened up, touched her cheek. He felt the words coming before she said them.

“What the hell am I doing? I’m not a home wrecker.”

“You’re not. There’s nothing to wreck. She’s been back less than forty-eight hours.”

“But she’s back,” Katniss reminded him. “This isn’t cheating because you haven’t broken up with me yet. But that’s what you’re doing. Nothing’s going to change your mind.”

He wrapped his arms around her, held her close, his intent more comfort than carnal. The pressure behind his eyes, the ache in his throat, made it difficult for him to say anything at all. But he forced the words out, “I’m just trying to do what’s right.”

“I know,” she whispered. She pushed him away and hopped off the counter. She pulled her dress back on, handed him his shirt.

“Two weeks,” she said before walking away.

The sound of the front door closing transported him back to the night he confessed his feelings for her, drunk and stupid and wanting. He wished he had never said anything, that he had suffered in silence. 

Then, Katniss wouldn’t be hurt too.

*

"You don't like me very much, do you?" Madge asked Katniss.

They both sat on the park bench, watching Hannah run around with a few other children her age. Luckily, Cashmere and the idiot brigade weren't here today.

"I hardly know you," Katniss said, not taking her eyes off Hannah.

"But I know what you must think of me."

Katniss sighed. "If you want to have this conversation, fine, but I'd really rather we didn't. I'll be gone in another week."

"I'm just curious what you know. What you think."

"I think it's great that you're back. Hannah is thrilled, and that's all that matters."

"That's not all that matters."

"Of course it is," Katniss snapped. "She's your daughter."

"I didn't mean it like that. I just..." Madge rubbed her forehead. "It's hard, okay? Being a mom. It's really hard sometimes."

"I'm aware."

"You have kids?" Madge asked.

"No, just a little sister."

"That's different."

"It's not that different when your mother shuts down and virtually abandons you. When you have to make sure your sister goes to bed with a full stomach, gets to school without looking like a slob. When you have to do odd jobs for neighbors that stare at you for way too long just to put food on the table."

Katniss wasn't sure where the outburst came from. That was more than she had ever revealed to Peeta. But it irked Katniss that Madge thought she was separate, special. Of course motherhood was hard. Life was hard. It didn't give anyone the excuse to run away.

"Some mornings when I wake up, I feel like I'm sinking. Like I can't move. Like there's no point."

Katniss cast a glance at Madge, but Madge still had on her sunglasses. Her expression was unreadable.

"Some mornings, early on, I could hear Hannah crying, and I would pretend to be asleep until finally Peeta got out of bed. Even if he had a four am wakeup for the bakery, I still couldn’t do it."

Katniss's stomach twisted at the image of Madge and Peeta in bed together. She could see it so clearly. After all, she had woken up beside him once. She remembered his disheveled blonde hair, his sleepy smile, the warmth of his embrace.

"Peeta mentioned you had postpartum depression."

"Yeah, minus the postpartum part. I just hid it better before Hannah was born."

Katniss swallowed. She hated that she had something in common with this woman, this tornado who blew in and tore away the things Katniss loved most.

"My mother suffered from depression after my father died. It took years before she was better." She paused. "She still has her bad days."

"Every day feels like a bad day," Madge said. "Peeta was right. I can't stay home with Hannah every day. It makes it worse. By the time he comes home from work, I want to crawl up the fucking wall. I feel ready to jump out of my skin."

"My mom was the opposite. She could stay in bed for days without saying a word."

"I get like that too. Hannah wants to play or she needs breakfast, and I have zero energy. I can’t make myself do anything.” Madge sighed. “I have two settings: sad or angry. And when I'm angry, god, I treat Peeta like shit."

"Why?"

"I get so angry about the way things turned out. I was supposed to go to college. I was, at least, supposed to walk at graduation instead of earning my GED online. I was supposed to travel and have lots of boyfriends and live before settling down. And it’s not Peeta’s fault. It’s not Hannah’s fault. I know I need to accept what happened, and I can’t. And I get so disgusted with myself, I need to take it out on someone. And you know that saying? ‘You always hurt the one you love?’ I lash out at him because I know at the end of the day, he'll still love me."

"Don't count on that," Katniss said.

Madge whipped her head around, her lips parted, harsh words on her tongue.

"I just mean that everyone has their breaking point. You push and you push, and people will eventually stop trying," Katniss clarified.

She had tried and tried with her mother. But talking to a ghost never got her anywhere. Even now, with her mother better, functioning, working, Katniss was still wary of her. She knew how easily her mother could disappear, leave them all alone.

Even though she knew it was beyond her mother’s control, she sometimes hated her mother for leaving them alone.

“Not Peeta,” Madge insisted. “He’s…different. He’s so good, so kind. I don’t think he’ll ever give up on me.”

Katniss wanted to cry. Of course he wouldn’t give up on Madge. Giving up on Madge meant giving up on Hannah. 

"Are you seeing a doctor?" Katniss asked, mentally kicking herself. This conversation was getting way too personal. She didn't want to feel sympathy for Madge, but there it was, tugging at her heart. Madge was screwed up, but at least she was trying.

"Yes. I'm on a new antidepressant. It's working, sort of. I just didn't want to stay away any longer. Hannah's getting older. I don’t want her growing up wondering why her heartless bitch of a mother abandoned her."

"As long as you stay," Katniss said, "she won't have to wonder."

Madge pushed her sunglasses onto her head. Her eyes were red, her cheeks damp.

"Thanks, Katniss. I know we don't know each other well, but I needed this. It felt really good to talk to someone who wasn't related to me or being paid to listen to me."

"I'm technically getting paid right now."

Madge surprised her with a quiet laugh, a huge smile. "Should we call Hannah over for a juice box?" She wiped her eyes. "God, I feel so out of practice."

"Yeah, go get her. Tell her it's time for a break."

Madge jogged over toward her daughter, called her name, took her hand. A terrible yearning opened up inside Katniss's chest. 

Sometimes she wished Hannah had never found her that day in Target.

She wished had never met Hannah or Peeta at all.

*

Peeta blinked, and two weeks were gone.

On Katniss's last day, she agreed to stay for dinner, but the meal was quiet, awkward. When it was finally time to leave, Hannah began to cry and wouldn't let Katniss go.

"Why are you leaving?" Hannah asked for the one-hundredth time. No matter how many times Katniss explained it, she didn't understand. "I thought you were my nanny. You're supposed to watch me."

"Your mom's back now," Katniss said. "She can watch you."

"But...but...you're my second mommy. Just like Courtney."

Madge glanced at Peeta. Confusion and hurt clouded her features, but she remained quiet. 

"You know, if your mommy and daddy ever need a babysitter, they can call me. I'll still see you sometimes. Okay, Hannah Banana?"

Hannah nodded solemnly. "Okay," she said.

They hugged each other tightly. "Bye sweetheart."

"Bye," Hannah muttered.

Katniss stood and gave Madge a quick wave. Peeta walked her to the door.

"You can change your mind, you know," Peeta said quietly at the door. "Any time you want to come back."

"I'm not going to work half of my hours for full pay," Katniss said. "That's ridiculous."

Panic suddenly swept through Peeta. If she walked out that door, she’d be gone. He’d never see her again. He felt the certainty of it, and it was terrifying. 

"Katniss, please." 

She looked up at him. He could see the hesitation on her face, but he knew reason would win out. She was a better person than he was.

"I feel like an idiot," she said, looking away. He could hear the tears in her voice. "I know this was just a job, but I still feel like I was always going to be temporary. That you were just waiting for her to come back.”

"That's not what this was, and you know it."

"Then why did it end up this way?"

He reached for her, but she took a step back. "Don't," she said. "Don't make this harder." She pushed the hair out of her eyes, and he saw the tears then as she tried and failed to blink them away.

"Don't let her hurt Hannah again, okay?" Katniss said. "Don't let her hurt you."

Peeta nodded. "Thank you. For everything."

Peeta couldn't help it. He grabbed her hand and squeezed. "I know you still don't think I know you, but I know enough. You're amazing and smart and beautiful and the second best thing to ever happen to me. Right after Hannah."

"You're a good person, Peeta. I really mean that."

There was so much more to say, and yet no reason to say it. This was it, the end for them.

Katniss squeezed his hand back, kissed his cheek, and left.

Peeta lingered by the door, even after Madge called his name. He felt cold, lonely. He stared down the hallway, past the couch, into the kitchen, and for a moment, he didn't recognize his home.


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to say this in the previous chapter: this is the last chapter.

[ ](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/Angeleyez779/media/Your%20Hand%20in%20Mine%20NEW.jpg.html)

_You’re impossible to love, Katniss._

_You’re so selfish, Katniss._

_You’re lucky you have me._

She was back where she had started.

It was so easy to fall into her cycle of negative thinking, Cato’s words echoing in her head. A year and a half after ending their relationship, and it was as if nothing had changed.

Of course Peeta didn’t love her. How could he?

She scooped up another pile of clothing from the Target dressing room and slammed it onto the counter.

She wasn’t going to do this to herself. She wasn’t selfish, wasn’t worthless. Just because things hadn’t worked out with Peeta didn’t mean anything Cato had said was true.

It had been over a month, anyway. It was time to stop obsessing over Peeta.

She jammed a plastic hanger into a t-shirt and hung it up before grabbing another shirt.

“Geez, only a couple weeks back, and you’re already trying to murder the clothing,” Haymitch said, walking up to the counter. “Maybe we shouldn’t have rehired you.”

“Sorry,” Katniss said. “I’ll try to be less violent.”

“And maybe smile at some of the customers?”

“You don’t pay me enough to smile.”

Haymitch laughed. “Ain’t that the truth.”

While Katniss was less than thrilled to be back working retail, she was grateful that her job search had been short-lived. Two weeks after Katniss had left her position as Hannah’s nanny, Haymitch had called her to offer her old job back. The official story was Mr. Crane had left because he had found a better-paying position elsewhere. The real story, as Haymitch had revealed over the phone, was that Mr. Crane had been caught having inappropriate relations with an employee in the dressing rooms after hours.

Katniss hoped someone had sterilized the room afterward.

Without Mr. Crane there to be an asshole, Haymitch had more power, which included rehiring Katniss, who had been unfairly fired.

“It’s time for your lunch break. Chloe is on her way over.”

“Sounds good,” Katniss said, hanging up the shirt in her hand. 

She headed to the break room, which was blessedly empty, and grabbed her purse out of her locker. She powered on her phone to check for messages from Prim.

She had four unread messages, but they weren’t from her sister. Katniss took a seat at the table, took a deep breath, and read.

Peeta (10:02 AM): _hey, it’s Peeta_

Peeta (10:06 AM): _Hannahs been asking about you. She keeps saying we should go out and hire a babysitter to watch her. Which is sorta why im texting you. You can say no. you don’t even have to respond but_

Peeta (10:08 AM): _Can you come over this Saturday night? We’re going to a Halloween party with Annie and Finnick and we need someone to watch Hannah_

Peeta (10:09 AM): _I can get someone else. I just wanted to ask. Hannah would be thrilled_

Shit.

Katniss laid her head on the table. She was no longer hungry.

On one hand, Katniss worried Hannah was taking her absence personally. And she had promised she would babysit whenever Hannah’s parents needed her to.

On the other hand, Katniss wasn’t sure she could face Peeta again. It had been over a month, but the pain was still fresh. It was an ache in her chest as steady as her heartbeat.

Instead of eating her lunch or obsessing over the messages, Katniss visited the Occupational Therapist page on Panem U’s website and reviewed the admission requirements for the millionth time. She had money saved up from her time as Hannah’s nanny since Target paid only enough for her bills. Very little was left over for fun let alone savings. She would have to take out loans.

But Katniss had made a decision. She wasn’t going to waste away in retail hell for the rest of her life. She would go to community college to earn her associates, transfer to Panem U for her bachelors and masters, and maybe, eventually, earn her doctorate. She had a long road ahead of her, but she was ready.

In a roundabout way, she had Peeta to thank. Being Hannah’s nanny had reminded her that there were jobs out there that could make her happy, that it was possible to look forward to the work day rather than dread it.

He had also reminded her that she was worth something. She didn’t have to settle for a minimum wage job for the rest of her life.

A part of her wished she could tell Peeta. He would be so happy for her. Instead, she visited Panem Community College’s site to reread the descriptions of the classes she wanted to take in the spring.

The last three hours of her shift, she went through the motions, clearing the dressing rooms, hanging up clothes, asking people how many items they were bringing in.

She wasn’t even checking people as they came out.

Her mind was preoccupied by the text messages sitting unanswered on her phone.

_You’re so selfish, Katniss. You never think of anyone but yourself. You’re lucky you have me. You’re so—_

No. She wasn’t selfish. She could put aside her feelings for Peeta and watch Hannah while he went to a party with his girlfriend. She could do it.

She was a good person. 

She loved Hannah and would do whatever it took to make Hannah happy. That was part of the reason she had let Peeta go.

As she walked out to her car at the end of her shift, she responded to Peeta with a simple:

_What time?_

*

Anxiety twisted in her chest like a vine, squeezing her heart. She had trouble catching her breath as she walked up the path to Peeta’s front door.

She had spent the past few days obsessively thinking about what she should wear and how she should act. In the end, she decided not to change after work and just show up in her Target uniform. 

As for how’d she act, she’d have to improvise.

She rang the doorbell and heard a high-pitched shriek and knocking on glass. Katniss glanced over at the bay window and saw Hannah waving excitedly. 

A second later, Madge opened the door. She was gorgeous in a white Grecian robe, a red sash tied at her waist, flowers woven into her hair.

“Hi, Katniss.” Madge’s smile was strained, but her tone was jovial enough.

“Hi…Greek Goddess?”

Madge nodded. “Aphrodite, specifically.”

Katniss wanted to ask if Peeta matched, but she bit her tongue. She’d see him soon enough.

Hannah ran to the door and Katniss leaned down for a hug.

“You’re here! You’re here!” Hannah chanted.

“Of course, I am. It’s just you and me tonight.”

Hannah grabbed her hand and yanked her inside.

“You have to see the new blanket Mommy got me. It’s Frozen!” Hannah led her down the hallway, but they didn’t get far. Peeta walked out of his bedroom and Katniss nearly ran into his chest.

His broad, star-adorned chest.

He was Captain America.

He looked ridiculously handsome in the costume. He had the perfect all-American, blonde-haired, blue-eyed look for it, not to mention a jawline that rivaled Chris Evans’s. Katniss wanted to laugh at how ridiculous this all was, being back here, facing him like this. He was dressed up as a goddamn superhero, and she was still in her red Target polo.

“You’re here,” he said.

"I said I would be.”

“Right, yeah, of course.” He looked her up and down. She crossed her arms at her chest, uncomfortable with his scrutiny. “Are you dressed up too?”

“I wish. I’m back at Target for now.” Her plans for college were on the tip of her tongue. She suddenly wanted to tell him, get his advice, his encouragement. She had very few people in her life whose opinion carried any weight with her.

What if she was reaching too high? What if she should settle for an Associate’s degree? Become an Occupational Therapist Assistant?

What if she shouldn’t go back to school at all? What if she was too late? Maybe an endless stream of minimum wage jobs were all that awaited her.

But she kept her mouth shut, reminding herself that Peeta was no longer hers. He wasn’t even a friend.

And maybe that hurt worst of all. She knew cutting off contact was for the best, but looking at him now, she realized how much she had simply missed his company.

Shit. This had been a colossally bad idea.

“They rehired you?” Peeta asked.

“Yeah, long story. Made the job hunt a lot easier.” She shrugged, suddenly embarrassed. She wasn’t sure why. Peeta worked at his family’s bakery. He had inherited his house after his father passed away. It’s not as if he had followed the traditional path.

But it felt like he had his life together. A house, a job, a girlfriend, a daughter. He had people who cared for him, a direction to go in, even if he said otherwise.

She was less embarrassed than she was envious.

“Peeta?” Madge’s voice carried down the hall. “Annie and Finnick will be here any second.”

“Uh, right, let me just get my shield.” He shot Katniss a sheepish smile and went into the kitchen where a very authentic looking Captain America shield waited on the counter.

“My daddy is a superhero,” Hannah announced. “And my mommy is a goddess.”

“I see,” Katniss said. “Very nice costumes.”

“Do you remember Hannah’s bedtime routine?” Peeta asked.

“What? You didn’t write it down for me this time?”

He tilted his head toward the counter where a list had been waiting beneath the shield. Katniss rolled her eyes.

“We party hard, eat tons of cake, don’t brush our teeth, and pass out at dawn. Am I remembering it right?” Katniss caught Madge's eye over Peeta's shoulder. Madge was clearly frustrated. She probably hadn't wanted Katniss to babysit at all.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” Peeta said.

"Go say goodbye,” Katniss told Hannah.

After hugs and kisses and the reminder to call or text in case of emergency, a horn beeped, signaling Annie and Finnick’s arrival. Madge rushed outside while Peeta walked a little slower, his gaze lingering on Katniss before finally shutting the door behind him.

*

The best part about babysitting Hannah was that she kept Katniss occupied. There was no time to recall Cato’s harsh words or dwell on the fact that she was back in Peeta’s house when there were books to read aloud, dolls to play with, pretend meals to cook. 

The worst part about babysitting Hannah was her early bedtime. As soon as she fell asleep, Katniss was screwed.

She was tempted to send Peeta at least one picture of Hannah getting ready for bed, but she didn’t want Madge to misconstrue her intentions, especially when Katniss wasn’t really sure what her intentions were.

As Hannah’s bedtime ticked closer, she considered allowing Hannah to stay up later. Maybe an hour. Even thirty minutes would be nice. But in the end, she made sure Hannah got to bed on time. Once she was tucked in, Katniss went into the hall, leaving the door open a crack. 

Peeta’s bedroom door was open. She lingered in the entrance, staring at the rumpled bed, the clothes strewn about the floor, Peeta’s mingling with Madge’s. The scent of Madge’s perfume still hung in the air. Tears pricked her eyes, so she shut the door and went into the living room and pretended she was somewhere else.

Three hours later, Katniss was asleep on the couch, and Hannah was standing over her. Katniss jerked awake when Hannah tapped her arm.

“Katniss?” Hannah whispered. “I had a bad dream. Can we go sleep in Mommy’s bed?”

Katniss would sooner climb up to the roof than lay in that bed, so instead she invited Hannah to curl up with her on the couch. She covered the both of them with a blanket, and within minutes, both were fast asleep.

*

A loud crash followed by laughter startled Katniss awake. She found Madge standing a few feet away, an unreadable expression on her face.

“Mommy?” Hannah asked with a sleepy yawn.

“Do you think you could put her in her bed?” Madge asked. “I’m a little unsteady.”

“Sure.” Katniss disentangled herself from the blanket and picked Hannah up who had already fallen back asleep.

Annie and Finnick were in the foyer, along with a very drunk looking Captain America. His shield was on the floor in front of them.

“Oh my god, it’s Katniss!” Finnick announced, rushing toward her.

“Shh,” Katniss whispered, nodding toward the sleeping Hannah.

She tucked Hannah into bed, and closed the door behind her. Finnick surprised her with a bear hug.

“Hi, Katniss!”

“Hi, Finnick, who I’ve only met twice before. Thanks for invading my personal space,” Katniss said, patting him on the back.

“It’s my pleasure.” Finnick released her from the hug, but kept an arm around her shoulder. “I just feel like I know you so well. Peeta talks about you all the time.”

“Finnick,” Annie scolded. 

Peeta, who now sat on the floor, groaned.

“What?” Finnick asked. “It’s true.”

Madge stood nearby, studying her gladiator sandals as if they were the most interesting objects in the room. Suddenly, she clutched her stomach and ran for the bathroom. A few seconds later, they all heard the sound of her retching into the toilet.

“I’ll go look after her,” Annie said.

“Thank god for Annie. Our sober angel.” Finnick sunk down on the couch. “Just give me a second. I’ll help you with Peeta.”

Katniss sighed and knelt down beside Peeta. 

“Hey, Cap.”

Now that she was closer, she saw how flushed his cheeks were, how unruly his hair was. Must have been some party.

“Hi, Katniss.”

“Are you feeling okay? Do you want me to get the garbage can or something?”

He shook his head, and then held it still, as if regretting the sudden movement. “No, I’m fine. The room is spinning, but I’m fine. I just need a second.”

He lay back on the hardwood floor. Katniss frowned.

“Do you want me to help you into bed?” She glanced over at Finnick who was now passed out on the couch. Somehow, the fedora he wore to complete his 1920s gangster look was still on his head.

“No, I’m fine right here,” he said.

Katniss glanced toward the bathroom. She heard the toilet flush, the sink running. She looked back down at Peeta.

“I guess I should get going.”

Peeta grabbed her hand. “No. Stay. At least until Annie comes out.”

“Okay.” It was quiet then, other than the sound of Annie’s soothing voice floating out of the bathroom. Peeta still held Katniss’s hand.

“I miss you, you know,” Peeta said.

“Please don’t.”

“But I do. I think about our day at the beach all the time.” He squeezed her hand. “And all the times you stayed for dinner.”

“Peeta, stop. You’re drunk, and you’re going to say something you regret.”

“The only thing I regret saying to you is goodbye.”

“Hey,” Annie said, exiting the bathroom. Katniss quickly dropped Peeta’s hand. “I guess we’re spending the night.”

“You’re more than welcome to,” Peeta said.

“You want Katniss and I to help you to bed?” Annie asked tilting her head to study Peeta’s position.

“No, I’m fine right here.”

Annie looked down at Katniss who shrugged. 

“I need to get home. Bye, Peeta. Feel better.”

“Bye, Katniss. Thanks for coming over.” Slowly, he sat up. “Wait. We have to pay you.”

“No, that’s fine.” 

“What? No. You came over when you didn’t have to and watched Hannah.”

“I slept the majority of the time,” Katniss pointed out.

“Doesn’t matter.” Peeta stood and wobbled his way into the kitchen.

“He looks okay,” Annie said. “I’m going to go sit with Madge.”

Katniss nodded and followed Peeta.

“You really don’t have to pay me,” Katniss said. “I wanted to see Hannah.”

Peeta pulled his checkbook out of the junk drawer and set it on the counter. He swayed in place as he mentally calculated how much he owed her.

“I’m paying you, end of story.”

He filled out the check and handed it to her. She glared at the amount. “I’m ripping this up.”

“What? Seriously?”

“Peeta, this is way more than you owe me, and you know it.”

“It’s my fault you’re back at Target. You need it.”

Katniss stiffened. “I don’t need anything from you, especially your pity.”

“That’s not…” He groaned and sat down at the kitchen table. “That’s not what this is.”

“I don’t need handouts. I have a full-time job, Prim finally bought a car, I’m starting college next year. Everything is fine for me.” She didn’t know why she had to mention the car or school. She supposed she wanted to prove to Peeta that she hadn’t fallen apart after she left.

“You’re going to school? That’s wonderful! Come on, sit with me for a minute. Tell me about it.”

Katniss folded her arms across her chest. “Shouldn’t you check on your girlfriend? She’s sick.”

“Katniss, please. Just a minute. What are you going to school for?”

She was tempted to take the seat beside him and tell him all of her plans. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have support from other people. Her mother and Prim were ecstatic. Even Haymitch supported the idea and promised to be flexible with her schedule when she started the semester. 

But she wanted to hear Peeta tell her it was a good idea.

But she couldn’t. He wasn’t her boyfriend, her employer, her friend. He wasn’t anything to her anymore.

“I don’t know yet,” she lied. “I’m just starting at the community college.”

“Yeah? Me too.”

She stared at him. “Seriously?”

“I’m taking business classes next year. Rye wants me to take a more active role in running the bakery.”

“But is that what you want?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want. It’s what’s expected of me.”

“There he is,” Katniss said, shaking her head. “The good guy again, always doing what’s expected of you. Never doing what you actually want.”

“Katniss, I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I’m just trying to do the right thing.”

She shook her head as if to prevent his words from staying with her. “I have to go.” She ripped the check in half and let it flutter to the counter. “Good luck. Maybe I’ll see you around school.”

She turned and left. Peeta was growing accustomed to the image of her retreating back and the feeling that he couldn’t stop her.

*

“Hey, Annie, thanks for sitting with her, but I can take it from here,” Peeta said from the bathroom doorway.

“Okay. If you need anything let me know.” She stood up, squeezed Madge’s shoulder, and disappeared into the living room.

Peeta took a seat in front of the shower, his back leaning against the tub. Madge, sweat dotting the back of her neck, flowers falling out of her hair, rested her forehead against the toilet seat.

“Feeling any better?” Peeta asked.

“That depends. Is your girlfriend gone?”

Peeta shot a look at the doorway. He was tempted to call Annie back in here and let her play Madge’s babysitter for the night.

But no. Madge was his responsibility. 

“Don’t do that,” Peeta said. “You told me it was okay to have her stay with Hannah while we went out.”

“I know.” She picked up her head, her face scrunched up as she began to cry. “I’m sorry.” 

“Hey, it’s okay. Madge?” He brushed a hand across her shoulder. “I know it’s hard.”

Madge covered her face with her hands and nodded. She had always been an emotional drunk. A couple of beers, and she’d start waxing poetic on her golden years in high school. But this was something different.

“I’m trying,” she said. “I am.”

“I know. C’mere.” He held out his arms, and he hugged her tightly. Once her crying stopped, he let her go, but she lingered, slipping down his body until her head rested on his lap, the rest of her body curled into a ball. Peeta ran his fingers through her hair, carefully picking out the flowers.

“Stay with me?” she asked.

He wasn’t sure how long she meant. He wasn’t sure how long he could promise. 

“Of course,” he said.

*

Katniss was in the middle of sorting a small pile of clothing, trying her best to focus on her task rather than what had happened with Peeta three days earlier, when a piece of paper was placed on the counter in front of her. She looked up and found Madge.

“She made you an invitation,” Madge said. “She said we have to invite you.”

Katniss looked down at the piece of paper and found it was a card made out of construction paper. To: Katniss, From Hannah was written on the front in Hannah’s haphazard scrawl. A heart surrounded the text. On the inside was a drawing of a cake and balloons.

“Is it too much to ask to have one person love me best?” Madge said. “Just one?” She covered her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut.

“I’m sorry,” Madge said, shaking her head. “It’s been a rough few days.”

“It’s okay. I just…don’t know what you mean.”

“Hannah loves you more than me. Peeta loves you more. I’m sure if I introduced you to my parents, they’d want to adopt you.” She blinked quickly, trying to hold back tears. “I mean, they disowned me. Wouldn’t speak to me for the first two years of Hannah’s life. Then suddenly, they’re sending us money, begging to be a part of her life after Peeta sends them a Christmas card.”

“You can’t seriously believe Hannah loves me more than she loves you?”

Madge remained silent.

“She missed you so much,” Katniss continued. “She talked about you all the time. She likes me sure, and she misses me. But she loves you. You’re her mother.”

“She still complains when I do her hair. She tells me you do it better.”

“I really am good at braiding,” Katniss said.

Madge rewarded her with choked laughter. “But Peeta,” Madge said. “He loves you. More than he could ever love me.”

“I can’t talk about Peeta with you,” Katniss said, holding up her hand as if to distance herself from the topic. “But you should know he chose you.”

“No, he chose Hannah,” Madge said. “He wanted to make the best decision for her. I know what Peeta is trying to do, and he’s failing. We’re still fighting all the time.”

“Couples fight. I’m sure, with time—”

“I'm trying. I really am. I take my meds. I go to my doctor’s appointments. But it's hard to stay positive when you can barely have a conversation with your boyfriend without getting into an argument. It isn’t working. And it certainly isn’t helping Hannah.”

“You can’t leave again!” Katniss said. She wanted to grab Madge, hold her in place, to keep her from running.

"What's the point of staying where I'm not wanted?"

"If you think Hannah doesn't want you around, then you're an idiot." Katniss studied Madge's face, trying to gauge how serious she was. "You don't get to pick and choose when you're there for someone. You have to stay, no matter what."

"I thought you'd want me to leave," Madge said quietly.

"Well, you don't know me very well. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work."

*

There was no anxiety as she headed up the path to Peeta's house. She knew this would be the last time she made this walk. It felt good to feel certain about her future with Peeta. There would be no more back and forth, no more maybes or possibilities.

Sadness weighed her down like an anchor, but it held her steady too. She knew she was doing the right thing just as she knew that, over time, the pain would lessen. She had her own future to look forward to.

She rang the doorbell. There was no excited shriek or knocking on the bay window.

Finally, Peeta opened the door.

"Katniss! What are you doing here?"

"I can't make the party this afternoon, but I wanted to drop a gift off for Hannah. And maybe talk to you for a second?"

"Uh, it's a little chaotic in here." He looked over his shoulder and then back at Katniss. "Actually, maybe you could come in? I think I may need to get Hannah out of the house for an hour or so."

"I really can't—"

" _Please._ " He looked exhausted, ready to give up. On what she wasn't sure.

Katniss followed him into the kitchen. Madge stood in the middle of the room, hands on her hips, next to a woman with light brown hair. The woman stared at Katniss with her hard green eyes, and Katniss felt as if she was being examined. Whatever standards this woman held, Katniss was certain she didn’t live up to them.

"Why is she here?" Madge asked. She sounded more defeated than angry.

"I came over to drop off a gift before Hannah's party," Katniss said, holding up the box wrapped in pink. "If this is a bad time…”

"It is," Madge said. "Peeta doesn’t want me at Hannah’s party because he doesn't want anyone to see how crazy I am."

"That's not true!" Peeta insisted. "You were having a panic attack over having to go. You wouldn't get out of bed. I was worried! I thought I was helping."

"How could telling the mother of the birthday girl she can’t go be considered helping?" Madge yelled. "I'm out of bed now! I'm ready! How am I ever supposed to get better if you keep coddling me?"

"You said, just the other day, that I expect too much out of you. Now I'm coddling you? You can't have it both ways." Peeta ran a hand through his hair and looked up at the ceiling. 

“This is ridiculous,” Madge snapped. She stormed past Peeta. A few seconds later, they heard the bedroom door slam shut.

“You told me you two were doing fine,” the brunette said.

“Well, I lied.”

“She’s going to leave again, and it’ll be your fault. Again.”

“Mom, can we not do this now?” He tilted his head toward Katniss, reminding his mother of her presence.

“You say you want to take over the bakery, but how will you possibly have time? Work, Hannah, _and_ school? Madge won’t be any help!”

“Can you keep your voice down?”

“I told you, we should just sell the bakery. Rye’s fine with it. I don’t see why you have to put up such a fight.”

“Seriously? This is what we’re arguing about? I’m not having this conversation again. I’m not letting you sell dad’s bakery. That’s it.”

“You are too young to understand how hard—”

“How hard it will be? Trust me, I’ve become well-acquainted with how difficult life is.” He turned to Katniss. "Do you think you could take Hannah out until it’s time for her party? Take her for her ice cream, buy her a toy, whatever. I’ll reimburse whatever you spend."

"I can take her out out," Mrs. Mellark said, ice in her voice.

"I'd prefer you didn't, Mom," Peeta said. "Hannah is upset, and she's more used to Katniss."

"I'm her _grandmother_ ," Mrs. Mellark snapped.

"Yeah, her grandmother that she sees twice a year." He looked back at Katniss. "Please?"

"I…" The anxiety had returned, amplified by the sadness she still carried in her chest. She stared at the broken family in front of her, and she knew it couldn't be fixed. She should remove herself from the situation as her presence was only making things worse. "I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“You’re right,” Peeta said quickly. “I’m sorry I asked. Let me walk you to your car.”

*

Peeta followed Katniss outside. They both lingered in the quiet street, next to the driver’s side door.

“Thanks for the gift,” he said. “I’m sure whatever it is, Hannah will love it.”

“No problem.” She fidgeted with her car keys. “I’m sorry for what I said the other day. Sometimes you can’t do what you want. Sometimes you have to do what’s expected of you. Even if that means going to college and running a business you’re not interested in. Or forgoing college and getting a job to help support your family.”

“I’m assuming you have personal experience with that last one.”

She shrugged. “I did what I had to do. Just like you are. I’m sorry. I understand what you’re doing.”

"I thought I was making the right decision, but I'm just making it worse," he said. "Hannah is the unhappiest she's ever been, and so is Madge. And she's trying, Katniss, she really is. But this is impossible. It feels impossible."

"Do you love her?" Katniss asked. Peeta stared at her, wide-eyed. "Don't answer for me. Answer for yourself. Do you love her?"

“I want to,” he said.

He was quiet after that, unsure of what to say next. 

“I think you need to find another sitter for Hannah,” Katniss said. “I can’t keep doing this. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“You can’t just disappear.”

“Why not? I’m her former nanny. There’s no reason to stick around. My job is done.”

She held his gaze, challenging him to give her a reason, but all he did was sigh.

“What am I supposed to tell her?”

“That’s not my problem,” Katniss said, trying to keep her voice steady.

“It always falls to me.”

“Of course it does. This is what you chose, so you have to be the one to tell her.”

“This is not what I chose,” Peeta said. “I wanted you to stay. I practically begged you. You chose to leave. Are you really going to tell me you wouldn’t have made more money as Hannah’s part-time nanny than you would full-time at Target?”

“Seriously?” she asked. “You think this has anything to do with money? You’re unbelievable.”

She yanked open her car door, but he slammed it shut.

“That’s why you said you couldn’t stay,” he said. “But you could. You could work a few hours a week while you go to school. You’d have plenty of time for homework. It would be perfect.”

“Of course, it would be. For you. You’d get to have the both of us.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do! I’m just trying to help you!”

“I don’t need your help! I don’t want it. I just want—” She cut herself off.

“Katniss…”

“You know why I can’t be around Hannah anymore.” Her voice wavered, but she kept her expression neutral.

“I know,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you wanted.”

“I’m sorry you can’t have what you want.” She pulled him into a hug and kissed his cheek. “As long as you have Hannah, you’re going to be just fine,” she mumbled into his ear. “You’re a good father. Don’t forget that.”

“Thank you. Really.”

Katniss squeezed his hand. Then, she drove away.

*

"She told you, didn't she?" Madge snapped as soon as Peeta entered the bedroom. "She told you I wanted to leave."

"Leave? Who—what are you talking about? You want to leave? Again?"

"Katniss didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Color flooded Peeta's cheeks. He looked ready to implode.

"Nothing. I went to see her a couple of days ago. To deliver Hannah's invitation."

"You're kidding." Peeta rubbed his forehead, looked away. “You tell me to never contact her again, and then you go and invite her to Hannah's party?"

"I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry! I get irrational sometimes, and I just…” She took a deep breath and exhaled. It sounded as if she was deflating. “Hannah wanted her there. I just wanted to be a good mother.”

“And I want to be good father.”

They stared at each other, stuck at an impasse. 

"This isn't working, is it?” Peeta asked. 

Madge looked away.

Peeta continued, “I thought it would be better for Hannah if we stayed together, but…”

“It’s actually worse.” Tears slipped down her cheeks. She quickly brushed them away. "I don't want to lose Hannah again. I don't want her growing up hating me.”

"You don't have to. You're welcome to stay here, we just need to figure out—"

"No. We both know I can't stay here. Not if we want to be happy. I'm trying to figure out how to just be me again. I haven't been me in a very long time."

"Madge…"

"I'll move back in with my parents. Just until I'm feeling better. Then I can get my own place."

"And Hannah?" Peeta asked. His heartbeat pounded painfully in his chest, pushing and pushing against his ribcage. He had no idea what he’d do if Madge wanted to take Hannah with her.

"She'll stay here, of course," Madge said. Relief flooded through him. "We’ll figure some kind of schedule out.”

"And you can visit. Whenever you want."

"Hey, I can babysit while you're out on a date." She gave him a sardonic smile.

“You know it’s not just Katniss, right? You know that you and I…”

“We were never going to work. Not back in high school and not now.” She wiped her eyes, smudging her mascara. “I’m sorry I messed everything up.”

"You didn’t mess anything up." She stepped into his outstretched arms, and he held her tightly. The tension of the last month and a half melted away as they stood there, arms wrapped around one another. He didn’t love her. He couldn’t. And now that he knew there was someone out there for him, someone who accepted him baggage and all, he couldn’t remain in a loveless relationship. It wasn’t fair to him or Madge. 

Peeta kissed the top of her head. "We were friends once. I can be your friend again. For whenever you need one," he said. "Just, please, don't disappear again."

"I don't want to," she said. "I don't want to leave her. She deserves someone so much better than me."

"Hannah deserves her mother: happy and whole. You'll get there. I promise."

Madge looked up at him, and for the first time, in a very long time, she appeared calm, happy.

"Thank you, Peeta."

*

A sense of peace surrounded Peeta as he left Madge to pack an overnight bag. She promised she’d return later in the week for the rest of her things.

For the first time since she had returned, there was no stress, no worry.

Until he entered the kitchen and found his mother. She was always good at causing him anxiety. 

“Hannah fell asleep,” she said. “I didn’t want to wake her.”

“Thanks.”

“Did you work things out with Madge?”

“I did, actually. She’s moving out.”

Mrs. Mellark stared at him. Her jaw actually dropped. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. Madge is moving out. I’m going to school next year. I’m taking over the bakery. All of these things are going to happen whether you want them to or not.”

“You’re making a huge mistake.”

For whatever reason, his mother’s raised voice did nothing to shake him. Inside he was still. He was on the correct path. Finally. He wouldn’t allow her to push him off it.

“I think, for once, I’m doing the right thing. And I think you should leave.”

“Excuse me? You asked me to come over and help with the party.”

“No, you invited yourself over because you haven’t seen Hannah since Christmas. I may need help, but I don’t want yours.”

Mrs. Mellark’s expression changed from frustrated to furious. Her cheeks reddened, her eyes widened. "You want to ruin your life? Fine! Go ahead! Let Hannah grow up in a broken home!"

Peeta just shook his head. His mother thought a broken home meant a child living with only one parent, the other estranged. But Peeta knew the truth. He had grown up in a dysfunctional household, his mother and father barely tolerating each other, while he and his brothers tiptoed around, afraid to mess up and cause another argument.

He wanted Hannah to grow up in a house filled with love, even if he was the only parent there to give it. Besides, he believed Madge would get better, and he trusted her to stick around his time. Hannah would never be starved for love. Not like him. Not like Madge. Not like his brothers.

Mrs. Mellark stormed out. The door slam reverberated through the entire house. Hannah startled awake with a cry. Peeta rushed to her room, but Madge was already in there, lying beside Hannah, rubbing her back.

"Shh, sweetheart," Madge said. "You’re okay. Everything’s just fine.”

*

Two weeks later, even though she had explicitly said she could no longer be around Hannah—meaning _him_ —Peeta called her.

She was reluctant to pick up, but his name on her called ID worried her. Maybe there was an emergency?

“Hello?”

“Katniss, hey, I’m so sorry to bother you, but I need to ask a huge favor.”

Katniss had been reclining on the couch, relaxing on her first day off in a week, but she sat up at his request.

“What is it?”

“Hannah gets out of school in thirty minutes, and I’m stuck at the bakery.”

“Peeta, we talked about this.”

“I know! I’m so sorry.”

She heard muffled voices on the other end, then Rye demanding Peeta get back to the cash register.

“If I had anyone else to ask, I would. Are you at work?”

She could lie. She could claim she was on her break, and that she still had a five hour shift ahead of her. But then what would happen to Hannah? She imagined her sitting on the steps of the school, lips trembling, eyes filled with tears, as no one came to claim her. She knew a teacher would wait with her, for however long was necessary, but Katniss couldn’t stand the thought of Hannah feeling abandoned. Not even for a few minutes.

“No, I’m home,” she said. “But I don’t have a car seat.”

“Hers is there. My mother was supposed to get her. It’s why I left it, but she is, well, otherwise occupied.”

Katniss sighed. “This is the last time. Do you understand? You need to find someone else.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I really, really appreciate this.”

“Okay. It’s fine. I’ll get her.”

*

To say Hannah was ecstatic about Katniss’s appearance was an understatement. She launched herself into Katniss’s arms, her purple Sofia the First backpack falling to the ground. Katniss somehow managed to pick it up without dropping Hannah, and carried both to the car.

Meanwhile, Hannah chattered nonstop about school that day (“it was Emily’s birthday, and we ate cupcakes!”), her classmates (“Greg is such a meanie face, I never want to play with him again!”), and her father (“Daddy says we can make Frozen cookies tonight, you should come over and make them too!”).

This was another reason Katniss had been reluctant to reappear in Hannah’s life. How was she supposed to separate herself permanently if she kept popping up? Of course, Hannah would assume Katniss would want to come over and play.

Katniss gently let Hannah down with the excuse she had to work.

“Do you still work with beard guy?”

Katniss laughed as she buckled Hannah into her car seat. “No, thank goodness.”

Hannah buzzed with more conversation as Katniss drove her home. When she pulled into the driveway, she was surprised to see Annie’s car parked next to Peeta’s.

What the hell? 

Katniss thought she would have to play with Hannah for a little while before Peeta made it home. And if Annie was here, she must have had the day off. Why couldn’t she have gone to pick Hannah up?

“Katniss!” Annie came out the front door and waved from the porch.

Katniss rolled down her window.

“Hey, Annie.”

“I’m supposed to take Hannah. I’ll get her and the car seat. You go inside.”

“Inside?”

“Yes.”

“Peeta doesn’t need to pay me for picking Hannah up.”

“Just go inside,” Annie ordered. “I’ll worry about Hannah.”

Reluctantly, Katniss shut off her car and headed up the path she swore she’d never walk again. She opened the door and went into the kitchen where she found Peeta.

“I was going to buy flowers. Or candy. Or a stupid stuffed animal. But somehow, I didn’t think any of that crap would impress you.”

“Peeta, what are you talking about?”

“I may have lied about being stuck at the bakery.”

Katniss’s jaw tightened. “You lied? You used Hannah to get me here?”

“Hey, if I wanted to be really emotionally manipulative, I’d have her beside me while I talked to you.”

Katniss sighed and folded her arms across her chest. “You better make this quick. This is my only day off this week, and I don’t want to waste it talking in circles.”

“Right. So I was going over what I wanted to say, and I think it’d be easier if I just did this.”

He pulled her into a kiss, and stupidly, foolishly, she kissed him back. His arms were strong, solid. It was the type of embrace she could build a home in, live happily ever after in, if only she had the choice.

She broke away. “Peeta…”

“Madge moved out two weeks ago.” He still held her close. She felt his breath on her cheek when he spoke. “We decided it wasn’t working. It was never going to work.”

“So what? I’m your consolation prize?” She moved out of his arms, but instead of walking toward the door, she walked further into the kitchen. She knew she was being unfair, but that didn’t make the hurt any better.

“Katniss, I’m in love with you.”

_You’re impossible to love. You’re lucky you have me. You’re so—_

She turned around to face him. “Peeta, you can’t—”

“I know you’re stubborn and beautiful and smart and funny, and I want to know more about you. I want everything.”

“What if you regret letting Madge go?”

“No matter what happens between you and me, Madge and I would have never worked. This isn’t about her anymore. This is about you giving me a second chance. Please.”

“I—I don’t know if I can.” She wasn’t sure how long she could hide behind the pain he caused her. She understood why he had tried to take Madge back. If he hadn’t, if he had moved forward with Katniss, a part of him would have always wondered whether he passed up the opportunity to make his family whole once more.

But now he was prepared to make a new kind of family, one that included Katniss.

If she would let him.

How could she explain how scared she was? How could she explain that she wanted him desperately, but the last time she had cared for a boy, he had taken the word love and twisted its meaning until it was something ugly and possessive?

There was so much to say. Maybe she wasn’t worth the trouble.

“I can give you time if that’s what you need. I’ll wait for as long as you want.” He took a step toward her. “But you know you can tell me anything. Right?”

“There’s a lot to know about me,” she said.

He reached for her, pulled her close. She let him.

“I’m listening.”

*

They spent the afternoon talking on the couch. She told him about Cato, about the words that rendered her small and useless, and how she never believed she’d amount to more than what she was. He told her about his mother and father, how they skewed his view of family, and how he feared he would fail Hannah.

She told Peeta that he inspired her to return to school, to carve out her own slice of happiness.

He told her that she reminded him he was a good father and that he didn’t always have to do or be what was expected of him.

The word love wasn’t mentioned again, which was a relief to Katniss. Whatever was blossoming between her and Peeta had to be cultivated carefully. They had to go slow.

She still had healing to do. And she would have to relearn what it meant to love and be loved back.

She knew that she liked the freckles on his nose, the cut of his jaw, the warm, steady strength of his embrace. She enjoyed spending time with him, talking and laughing and just being together. She adored Hannah and wanted the best for her.

Maybe that was what love was.

Maybe that was what family meant.

As Peeta reached across the couch to take her hand, she decided she didn’t need to define either word on her own.

They’d figure it out together.

_the end._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos! I hope you all enjoyed. This was a lot of fun to write.


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